Saturday, October 16, 2010

Wow, this is just like what happened to me once! Oh wait, no it's not

Filthy-rich suburbanites who were probably hippies many, many years ago (before their souls died, or were sacrificed to Mammon) get the not-unwelcome news that the husband has been transferred to Istanbul. Unlike all those whiners who learn that their jobs have been outsourced to a phone bank in Pakistan and then- like the whiny, spoiled little brats they are, refuse to either follow it or agree to take that job as a Wal-Mart greeter that's just sitting there, Filthy-rich suburbanites take it all in stride.

Their pioneering spirit is of no doubt invaluable to them as they "settle in" to their luxurious new surroundings. They "find a deli" (thank goodness, because they were so attached to that $15 sandwich, $5 coffee place they frequented pretty much every other day back in Manhattan,) learn how to gesture their wishes to the mysteriously ethnic brown people in the shops (it's not exactly Whole Foods, but they are willing to rough it,) and somehow manage to adjust to watching the sunset on the Bosporus instead of the Hudson, the brave dears.

Back home, their equally vile son wants to buy them a gift for their thirtieth wedding anniversary and gets the super-bright idea of calling CitiBank to ask how many "Thank You" points it would take to buy the pampered assholes who breeded him the two seats they used to sit in at Shea.

Oh good lord, you have got to be kidding me. This guy uses his credit card SO OFTEN that he's accumulated enough points to cash in for something that must cost thousands of dollars- really? GOD I hate this family.

Back in Istanbul, our intrepid adventurers (who really need to die, and I mean right now) chuckle at their adorable son's thoughfullness (I'm sure they'd feel the same way if they knew the seats didn't even cost him anything) and sit their way-too-comfortable, massively entitled asses down on their new gifts, which add just the perfect touch of "America" to their freaking palace. Can you tell how much I hate these people?

Once again, CitiBank manages to perfectly capture the pulse of our nation with this ad. I mean, who among us can't relate to the middle-aged couple or their delightfully generous son? Sure, I don't have quite as many "Thank You" points accumulated as he does, but I can't be that far behind- last time I checked, I think I had enough to order a nice pen and pencil set. And in this economy, who among us doesn't live in constant worry that we'll wake up one day and learn that our company is shipping us off to Istanbul, or Paris, or Rome, or some other backwater?

I only hope that this couple, their son, and every single one of those "Ask Chuck" spokeschoads someday find themselves facing a REAL challenge that can't be solved by flashing a fucking credit card, and that involves something a bit more daunting than replacing the upscale deli that was So Important in Our Lives Back Home. These people might actually be even more loathsome than the eTrade babies- and that's saying a LOT.


  1. Shea Stadium seats sell for anywhere from two thousand dollars each and up, if eBay and the Sky Mall catalog are any indication. How much stuff do you have to buy with that credit card to earn enough points to equal at least four grand (and probably more)?

  2. And people wonder why I revere Che Guevara.

  3. Unemployment benefits running out, mortgages under water, college education out of reach for more and more people unable to commit to thousands upon thousands of dollars in debt, not to mention the continued skyrocketing cost of health care....and we are supposed to relate with these disgusting people. What a country.

  4. Too bad they weren't transferred to Kabul.

  5. I wish they had been transferred to Kabul.

  6. I forgot to note that Mommy and Daddy's "old seats" at Shea were numbered 5 and 6- which means they were box seats, first row. Again- Rich, Entitled Assholes.