Thursday, August 18, 2011
The Class War is Over. I Lost.
"Sam begged and pleaded, so I sent him to camp."
Ok, this just sounds bad: Sam, an alleged grown-up, "begged and pleaded" to be "sent" to Rock and Roll Band Camp. Because he really really wanted to, and his Mommy-errr, wife-- controls the household budget.
Except-- does she? "We accumulated so many Thank You Points on our Citi Card..." Ugh, really? How do we go about accumulating "points?" Why, by spending money using the credit card, of course. So these people have spend SO MUCH FREAKING MONEY that they've accumulated enough "Thank You" points (as in, "Thank You for having Zero Willpower and Attempting to Single-Handedly Keep the American Economy from Crashing by Using your Credit Card to buy Everything Your Pathetic, Materialistic Little Hearts Desire" to transport Sam from one Fantasy- the one he lives in every day with his Mother/Spouse, in which using a credit card in place of cash is a GOOD idea- to another Fantasy, in which Sam is a Rock and Roll Band Member.
We can SO relate with these people, can't we?
It seems increasingly clear that advertisers view the United States as a nation consisting of two distinct classes of people. The first group is made up of desperate, paycheck-to-paycheck working stiffs who use CashStop, Payday Loans, Rapid Refunds, and other Just Trying To Get To Next Week "services." If these people ever manage to score in the lottery, or find themselves legatees in some relative's estate, there are Annuity Brokers out there to exchange a small amount of money RIGHT NOW for the large amount of dough they could expect to have parceled out to them over a number of years. They "line jump" at Cici's and take the family to Golden Corral for baby-back ribs and seafood "for around ten bucks."
The second group is made up of blissfully wealthy hedge fund managers and their families. These people live in suburban palaces and give each other ribbon-clad Lexuses for Christmas. They have 72-inch High Definition televisions in every room and sixteen internet-connected devices and spend most of their time watching violent movies and "gaming." Oh, and they take vacations and go to Fantasy Camps and buy fancy dresses and Shea Stadium seats with their "thank you" points. Oh, and for some mysterious reason, they feed their kids Kraft Mac 'n Cheese.
I don't belong to either of these groups (though my paycheck makes me more likely to hit Denny's than Ruth's Chris,) which I guess means that I'm not recognized as being an Actual American worth pandering to by the Advertising World. I suppose I should feel grateful, but that would not be like me at all. Instead, I feel like a stranger in a strange land. Without even the comfort of Thank You Points.
Thanks for Nothing, Citi.