Wednesday, August 3, 2011

If I had a nail gun right now, this tv would be history

I don't know how amazing Geothermal energy is- if it doesn't require frakking to get at, if it doesn't require burning "clean coal" (snigger) or finding mountains in which we have to deposit tons of nuclear waste which will still be around when your grandchildren's grandchildren are shopping for nursing homes, I'm all for it. Except...

This is not the commercial to sell me on Geothermal energy, Bosch, because for the entire thirty-one seconds this ad graced my father's big screen television, all I could think of was how many ways I'd like to do serious injury to this jackass kid.

Frying pan to the face- that one came first. Sledgehammer to the skull. Just smashing his smarmy puss into a concrete wall (warmed by geothermal energy, if you please) again, and again, and again.

Is this what you were going for, Bosch? Because right now, I hate Geothermal energy, and will continue to hate it as long as I have to associate it with this know-it-all dick. I hate Geothermal energy, and I hate you too, Bosch, because you inflicted this noxious little nub of a spokeschoad onto us innocent viewers, who were just trying to watch the Red Sox beat the Indians in peace.

Hey Big Oil- here's your chance. Hire this kid to appear in one of your ads. Have him die in a particularly horrible way at the end of the ad. Not only would I back off my criticism of your industry, but I might even go along with letting you drill in the only known remaining habitat of the Kodiak bear.

Hey, could you have the kid being mauled and eaten by a bear? Just asking.


  1. Note to advertisers; never hire an actor who makes Mike 'The Delicate Genius' Patterson look like a saint.

  2. And after Bosch has installed its equipment, no ground will be 50 degrees anymore. The boy should have been slapped when he was about 6.

  3. Geothermal Energy is about the best out there, but it only works in places with thin crust, like Iceland.