Friday, August 11, 2017
Making American Values Great Again, courtesy of GMC
What are your goals in life?
To be a good person? Loser. Good people get stepped on.
To be a good father? What are you, a woman? Next thing you know you'll be telling me you want to know how to change a diaper. Pansy.
To do a good job at work? Uh huh. Good employees don't get the promotion. You're a drone. Sheep.
To be a good husband? Thanks for adding to the feminization of males. I bet you like participation trophies and gender-neutral clothing, too. Ninny.
Here's what your goals in life SHOULD be, and WOULD be, if you were a man and not just a male:
Be the BEST person. The GREATEST. Better than your neighbors. But even that's not enough. Gotta SHOW them how much better you are by parking this gigantic truck in your driveway.
Be the BEST father. Take your kids to the gun range. Teach them from an early age that they must win at every sport, bring home every trophy. And none of this second-place stuff. That's like having the second-largest truck on the block. That's for losers. Are your kids losers?
Be Employee of the Month. Every month. Get to work early and stay late. Take credit for the work of others, get adept at back-stabbing, spread rumors about your fellow workers. Get that raise, get that corner office. Take two spaces in the parking lot with your massive truck, so it's shadow falls on at least two lesser cars belonging to the lesser employees.
Be the BEST husband by bringing home the MOST money so the Little Woman can buy the kids the BEST clothes and take them on the BEST vacations and drop them off at school in that massive truck so their friends can stare at awe at it's- errr, YOUR- awesomeness.
Above all, spend your life rubbing everyone else's nose in your obvious superiority. Start with this truck. It will instantly make you better. Take our word for it.