Saturday, November 17, 2018

Kelly Ripa gives us more reasons to hate

So finding out you are 24% Italian increases the likelihood that you'll become an insufferable navel-gazing douchenozzle twat roughly 100%?  That your odds of being bearable around actual human beings drops roughly 75%?  Can someone explain to me how this commercial "sells" as anything more than an opportunity to become more impossibly self-absorbed than you already are?

"Want to never, ever be invited to parties again?  Want people to scream in terror at your approach?  Get your results at!"

Oh, by the way, here's Kelly Ripa's complete genetic breakdown, hacked from Wikileaks:

24% Italian

22% All My Children

54% Botox*

*I'm sorry, but this woman is 48 years old.  She does not look like this in real life.  The reason why she's constantly smiling in this ad  is because her face is permanently frozen in that position.  I don't think she is physically capable of blinking at this point. 


  1. Love your "complete genetic breakdown" of Kelly Ripa! Glad to know I'm not the only one repulsed by Kelly Rippa's Ancestry DNA commercial. If I had even the slightest interest before now, I surely got over it quickly

  2. I'm happy the commercial didn't reveal she's any percent African. Can you imagine how she would have presented that news?

  3. I can't stand Kelly Ripa. Commercial is so phony on her part. Insincere acting especially of her Italian pronunciation. I don't see the popularity if her show.

  4. This representation of The Italian language is a complete embarrassment. Ripa is absolutely the worst person to represent the Italian heritage! Take this commercial off the air.

  5. Has anyone noticed her right droopy eye lid that's in middle of the's as if they instantly shortened that part & sometimes it's not shown at all. It looks a bit odd & a little freaky....too much plastic eye surgery??

    1. Well, she's definitely had some work done. This is a middle-aged woman, and we're supposed to believe that she has the complexion of a 25-year old? Please.

  6. This commercial has a headache PER TUTTI!

  7. I agree with the bad Italian accent and pronunciation. Glad don't see it anymore