Saturday, November 17, 2018

Kelly Ripa gives us more reasons to hate Ancestry.com



So finding out you are 24% Italian increases the likelihood that you'll become an insufferable navel-gazing douchenozzle twat roughly 100%?  That your odds of being bearable around actual human beings drops roughly 75%?  Can someone explain to me how this commercial "sells" Ancestry.com as anything more than an opportunity to become more impossibly self-absorbed than you already are?

"Want to never, ever be invited to parties again?  Want people to scream in terror at your approach?  Get your results at Ancestry.com!"

Oh, by the way, here's Kelly Ripa's complete genetic breakdown, hacked from Wikileaks:

24% Italian

22% All My Children

54% Botox*

*I'm sorry, but this woman is 48 years old.  She does not look like this in real life.  The reason why she's constantly smiling in this ad  is because her face is permanently frozen in that position.  I don't think she is physically capable of blinking at this point. 

1 comment:

  1. Love your "complete genetic breakdown" of Kelly Ripa! Glad to know I'm not the only one repulsed by Kelly Rippa's Ancestry DNA commercial. If I had even the slightest interest before now, I surely got over it quickly

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