Saturday, October 9, 2021

Never mind Big Brother. Netflix is watching us now.


There's so much off-putting (maybe just plain "gross" is the better way to put it?) here, I hardly know where to begin.  Not a good start, Netflix.

I mean, we are being "treated" to a talking remote control that is angry that this (appropriately yet predictably diverse) couple keeps "pushing it's buttons."  You've got one job, Mr. Remote Control.  If you're bitter that you are constantly having to do your One Job, maybe suicide is a reasonable option.  Can you reach your own battery door to slide it out and remove those batteries?  I think that would do it. 
I guess this is supposed to be cute, but seriously, it isn't at all.  

But then it just gets worse.  The remote has kept close tabs on what this couple is watching, and is willing to turn on one of them to generate conflict.  All these people have is their shared television viewing, so the female is quickly triggered by the discovery that her male significant other is watching television (cheating?) behind her back.  Maybe she thought he was at the gym or doing something about that spare tire he's carrying, like he said he was, instead of being immobile as usual in front of the Idiot Box With 60 Million Hours of Viewing Possibilities.  Seriously, this guy is a chonker and he does NOT need another excuse to spend any more time zombied-out on the couch.  But no, she's just annoyed that he "experienced" god knows how many more hours of some witless Netflix Original Series Garbage without her, like he's having an affair or something.  (Hell, when your relationship revolves around "sharing" TV shows, what's the difference between watching something on your own and having an affair anyway?)

The "happy ending" involves Netflix basically taking their viewing history and just starting them off on another marathon of time-wasting, intimacy-avoiding BS courtesy of everyone's favorite contribution to the obesity and social isolation pandemics.  And all because we think that a streaming "service" that uses complicated algorithms to place us in an endless loop of predictable, non-threatening, non-challenging generic "entertainment" is the triumph of Western Civilization.  Well, at least these people are unlikely to breed, having used up their fertile years on 16 seasons of whatever Carbon Copy Magic Sword Adventure Nonsense Netflix decided they should be watching instead.

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