Thursday, August 24, 2023

Some free advice for Todd in this Chewy Commercial


So you're disappointed that you inherited a train set while a cat inherited regular pet supplies "in perpetuity?"  Well, considering that the cat is apparently capable of (at least internal) speech in the way that I imagine most pet owners think that their ridiculous little hairball-producers are, and apparently capable of higher thought processes which allow them to comprehend things like wills and words like "perpetuity," I have some very simple and totally free advice for Todd:

Get on this cat's good side.  I mean, let's be honest about this situation, shall we?  I don't care how old Todd is or how old Mr. Marbles is, Todd is going to outlive Mr. Marbles and we'll be back in this lawyer's office in no time.  Sorry, Mr. Marbles, but when Todd considers what "in perpetuity" means when it comes to your Chewy shipments, he's thinking in years consisting of single digits.  If your dead owner was responsible, Mr. Marbles, you aren't producing any heirs of your own.  So you either make a will- good luck with that- or your estate is going right back to the other people in this room inside a decade.   Time is NOT on your side, Mr. Marbles. 

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