1. Apparently it's not about raising money for a good cause. It's a major competition that only one of these very competitive little girls can win, and both are determined to be the Champion Number One Whatever. The cookies are just the means by which a Champion can be Crowned.
2. The moment we gained access to digital payment options, handling actual currency became incredibly awkward, virtually impossible. Because I grew up handling cash and I can't remember it being this big a deal to transfer paper from one hand to another or even to (gasp) make change.
3. Yeah, digital payments are totally flawless and would never accidentally duplicate themselves. I don't know why every transaction isn't a worry-free tap of a phone, those NEVER go wrong.
4. You roll your eyes at me while I'm trying to help your cause, and I'm cancelling the sale and keeping my money. This little girl does it TWICE. What a great representative of her generation. Goodbye, little girl. I can buy cookies from anyone, including at the store, with cash, without the condescending, triggered annoyed looks. I'm sooooo sorry it's taking more than thirty seconds to finish this transaction, but please avoid this "problem" by skipping my house next year.
If Christmas is the Hallmark Channel's Superbowl, then the Superbowl is Advertising's Christmas. Somehow, the ads for the big game have become as big a story- maybe even a bigger story- than the sporting event it sponsors. NFL Network even has a "Best Superbowl Ads Ever" show.
Personally, I think the absolute worst thing about attending game parties is being unable to escape the ads and the inevitable conversations created by the ads. As the years have moved along, I've noticed that more and more the casual chitchat is reserved for the time the players are on the field and is halted during the commercials. I guess it was inevitable that a mere football game being played between two teams not supported by at least 90 percent of viewers would take a back seat to advertisements (not to mention an only slightly truncated concert tucked in between the 2nd and 3rd quarters.)
As it turns out, I won't be attending a Superbowl party for the first time since the Plague of 2020/21, which means I'll be watching with a remote in my hand ready to hit MUTE when the actual game is not on the screen. Hey, I'm a curmudgeon, remember?
Oh, I guess I should say a few things about this ad for everyone's favorite pile of junk, Jeep. Well, let's see...the premise is that we've got a little kid obsessed with silly purchase made by his father when dad was hung over and watching late-night TV back in the 80s (maybe it was grandpa?) The little kid's mom is pregnant for no reason (unless something else happens in the final ten seconds involving her, I don't know, I stopped watching after "I can see my wires" because by then it had crossed the line into Beaten To Death Joke and I was done.) We know for sure she's pregnant because she's got her arm resting on her stomach like All Pregnant Women in TV ads do.
For some reason the kid really, really wants to take an obvious piece of plastic to the river, and for some reason dad is willing to drive the kid and the stupid piece of plastic what seems like many, many miles to find a suitable river to put it in. All of this is in service of driving the family's much, much bigger dumb purchase, with it's panoramic sunroof and apparent ability to hit a pothole and get wet without needing servicing (is Jeep upping it's game?)
The kid puts the piece of plastic in the river and I guess it's a Magic Fish but not the good kind that grants wishes, just the kind that is grateful for five seconds and then accusatory when it finds out that freedom is not all it's cracked up to be. I have no idea why that bear continues to eat the fish when it's clear it's plastic. I have no idea why this stupid plastic fish has so many wires. I have no idea why the dad is trying to defend himself to it. It's a plastic fish that doesn't even grant wishes.
All I see here is the overindulgence of a creepy little boy who needs therapy and friends by a father who thinks that there's something environmentally sane about driving a brand-new piece of garbage to a remote area to toss a fifty-year old piece of garbage into a river.
What am I missing? Oh, don't bother- I'm sure I'll be told in the breakroom, or by several of my classes, tomorrow.
This one is uniquely nasty because we see a short-sleeved chef scratching his nasty dry itchy skin while preparing food- I mean, yuck. Where's the damn health inspector when you need her?
But the others all have one annoying thing in common- they all feature people who seem to have been given exciting, active lives, complete with expensive hobbies and holidays to exotic places, along with their Rinvoq prescriptions. If I get an Rx for this stuff will it come with a first-class ticket to a warm beach somewhere? Are the cool friends included or is that only with the Gold Plan on the health care network?
...but nothing about watching flabby future diabetes patients wax poetic about their love of the variety of bland starch available at your "restaurant"- pizza, cinnamon "bites," bread "buttons," etc.- makes me hungry for America's Favorite Carbohydrate Delivery System.
These people need Domino's like they need more screen time. They'd be far better off with a balanced diet and an exercise program- hey, THAT sounds like a "perfect combo" to me, but where's the money in that, right?
Turn heads! Get attention! Pay through the nose for endless repairs!
It's the return of the ICONIC JCW Mini-Cooper, the little car that allows you to "rule the road" between your house and the garage run by a mechanic you will definitely be on a first-name basis with!
Seriously- this is just so silly. The gimmick for these cars seems to be their impracticality; yes, what sane people see as a glitch is actually a feature. This car is ridiculously expensive for what you get, infamous in its unreliability, uncomfortable for anyone over 5'8" or so, etc. It's an uncomfortable money pit that screams "look how rich I am; I can even blow money on this. How much money? Actual big car money- like, $40,000- what you losers pay for cars with four doors and enough room for more than a bag of groceries in the back."
This is a mini compact car, almost a FIAT. Even a Mitsubishi Mirage had four doors, for chrissakes, and it's actually possible to drive a Mitsubishi more than a few hundred miles without paying out the nose for upkeep. What people will do to show they don't care about money. Unbelievable.
There's something almost adorable about KIA's attempt to sell it's latest pile of unreliable junk as a symbol of luxury, isn't there?
I'm trying to imagine any rich couple with the means of buying a luxury SUV actually choosing a KIA over the other options- Lexus, Audi, BMW- none of which are worth anything close to their price tags either but at least come with those popular logos. This thing has a base price of just under 40k with the model being shown on screen running closer to 60k. Why would anyone with that kind of money use it to buy a KIA?
The answer is, of course, that they would not. KIA wants to be in the Big Boys Club with the brands mentioned above- brands that get sales from stupid rich people because of the logo (it can't be because of reliability because there isn't any, not for ANY of these luxury brands. It can't be because they hold their value because they simply do NOT.) In this, KIA is exactly like Buick and is trying to achieve its goal in exactly the same way Buick is- with glossy paint and bells and whistles that have nothing to do with the simple ability to get from Point A to Point B and everything to do with turning the heads of people you don't know and who simply don't care. Sad.
Every once in a while, my little great-niece/goddaughter announces that she is going to put on a "show" and then proceeds to sing and dance and throw herself around the living room, stopping to give us time to applaud.
The little girl in this ad knows that she's in a family of inattentive television addicts who are so desperate for entertainment that they are watching figure skating, of all things. So if she wants an audience, she'd better go upstairs (or the basement, I'm not watching this again) and set up the 2000 or so stuffed animals she's been given by parents who think that material goods are a great substitute for actual Attention.
It turns out that this girl has adapted so well to being ignored by her alleged family that she's perfectly fine dancing in front of her toys instead of actual human beings, and has even convinced herself that they appreciate and love her- unlike those older people downstairs staring total strangers on the boob tube (who are engaged in figure skating. Again- figure skating. Not even the bobsled or luge or Alpine skiing. Not even short track skiing. Figure skating. Hell, it may even be Artistic Pairs or Ice Dance, though I am not willing to go that far because I don't want to slander these people.
But as I said- in my family, if my little great-niece saw this on tv and wanted to imitate it, she wouldn't retreat to a quiet part of the house to "skate" in front of stuffed animals. She'd do it in front of us, and she'd have our attention, because I like to think we aren't all disgusting distracted zombies so detached from our own lives that we'd rather watch...whatever the hell this event is that should end right now so we can get back to actual competitive, entertaining Olympic events like skiing and bobsled, as God Intended.
