Thursday, April 22, 2010

Another "Crisis" narrowly averted, thanks to Verizon

These "Moment of Truth" ads are already getting old. I've had more than enough of watching people being "rescued" from minor annoyances masquerading as major life crises by their stupid phones. And I wonder how much longer Verizon is going to subject us to commercials which all have the same message- "you should never, ever experience anything that varies from your carefully-planned life script, and you never will, IF you have a Verizon phone."

Look at this latest example: Mom has supplied pirate plates, pirate hats, pirate tablecloths, pirate cake, pirate fucking EVERYTHING for her overindulged little bundle of joy at his birthday party. Oh, but look, there's a hair out of place- a COWBOY has shown up, instead of a pirate!! Oh noes, what to do, what to do?

Well, what else? This is, after all, the "moment of truth." Mommy whips out her phone and presumably contacts the agency she contracted to entertain at her Social Event of the Season to get this "problem" worked out, NOW. And faster than you can say "let's KGB it!" the actor in the cowboy suit has been replaced by an actor in a pirate suit. "Crisis" avoided!

Seriously, ick. Ok, mom, so your pampered little spawn wanted a pirate theme. Assuming you hired a pirate actor, the agency ought to provide a pirate actor. So when a cowboy shows up, why isn't the answer to just phone the fucking agency and explain the error? Is it conceivable that this woman, upon realizing that an error was made, reacted by contacting another agency and paying premium prices for a last-minute appearance by a guy with a hook and an eyepatch? Because her Little One must have Everything? I mean, wouldn't a NORMAL human being explain the mistake to the cowboy actor, and let HIM contact the agency and fix the issue? This mom doesn't even wait for him to reach the crowd of kids, who might actually WELCOME a break from the monotonous pirate crap if it means a chance to ride on a horse.

And as if all this is not disgusting enough, check out our "hero" at the end of the commercial- she's wiping sweat off her brow, as if she just avoided a major disaster. Jesus Christ, it's a birthday party.

"Moment of Truth?" Really?

It isn't hard for me to imagine this woman reacting to raindrops by attempting to find a "Bring back the Sun" service on Bing. Because dammit, if you have Verizon, you should never ever EVER get less than 100% of what you want.

And so Verizon continues it's crusade to turn us into a nation of whiny, spoiled little brats who have no idea how to handle even the smallest amount of inconvenience or disappointment. In another era, "the pirate birthday party which featured a cowboy" might be a funny story passed down among family members for years. Thank God those days are over, replaced by "the pirate birthday party saved by Mommy and her ever-present Verizon phone."

I don't know- just doesn't seem to have the same staying power to me.


  1. In another era, "the pirate birthday party which featured a cowboy" might be a funny story passed down among family members for years.

    In that era, people weren't freaking idiots who needed prompting from their phone company to inhale and exhale.

  2. Its a cute commercial get a grip, get a life you have nothing better to do than to curse about commercial. Join a club and fight for a real cause. You suck not the commercial.

    A real person with real kids and a real life!

  3. You are a real person with a real life, yet you have time to make negative comments concerning someone else's blog. Why do you hate your family so much? Why aren't you with them, instead of bitching at an annonymous person with a blog?

    I think we know who desperately needs to get a life here.

    Funny- if you said this was a "cute commercial" on your own blog, it wouldn't even occur to me to respond to you. Why do I care what your opinion of this commercial is?

    It's my blog. Move on now.

  4. right on, how ridiculous can it get. just buy them a cake! Mom seems like an OCD with an only child, probably about 35 years old and an executive at a marketing agency. When did loving kids mean this?

  5. As I said in the post, everything must be Just So for Mommy's Little Precious One. If there's a hair out of place, there had better be an App to put it back, and Right Now.