Saturday, April 24, 2010

The Continuing, Oddly Pointless Odyssey of Ellen Page

There is so much wrong with this commercial for Cisco featuring the apparently Aimlessly Wandering Ellen Page, I think I'll just be lazy and just list my observations:

1. Ms Page- star of such middle-school-age appropriate films as Hard Candy and Juno, is invited to be "this year's special guest" at Lunenberg Academy, a castle in the middle of nowhere which just SCREAMS Rich, Privileged, White Kids Only. Um, why? None of the kids seem to know who she is or care why she's there, because....

2. The only response to the oddly frozen, non-actress "teacher" (I mean, seriously- check out her total lack of emotional range during the three brief moments we can see her face) announcing that Ellen Page is here is a student announcing "We're Going on a Field Trip to China!!" Wow, Ms Page must feel really important right now- the kid might as well have yelled "who gives a shit? We're about to do something FUN!"

3. Miss Page, visibly startled, reveals that she had no set plan for the students of Aryan Academy by responding weakly "Gee....when I was a kid....we just went to" followed by a clip of Not Ellen Page being frightened by a cow, which leads to....

4. An appreciative laugh from her audience. Now, unless these kids could actually see inside Ms Page's head, this can only mean that they are laughing at the fact that their guest had to settle for a field trip to "the farm." Again- Indulged little brats.

5. "No seriously, where are you going?" Ms Page asks--- followed by the revelation that the "field trip to China" is just a video hookup with a classroom of imprisoned, oppressed, "behave or your parents will spend the next two years in a Re-Education Center" children of Inner Party Members provided to Upper Crust Prep by Cisco. Warms the heart.

So, what is the message here? That Ellen Page has so few projects lined up that she's decided to kill time to revisit all of her old childhood haunts, only to be shown again and again how much the Old Stomping Grounds have been changed by the technological wizardry of Cisco? That this year's Special Guest was recognized as so insignificant and unworthy of attention that a video "field trip to China" was arranged on the same day? That only schools which charge $40,000 per year tuitions can afford Cisco technology? Help me out here.


  1. I got nothing; this ad makes no sense at all because it doesn't even try to pretend it has any meaning. The Verizon "I need an app to remind me to inhale and exhale" ads have more content than this.

  2. How do I explain - except to say that reading only this one amazingly bunched review, I am enchanted enough to return for more; if for no other reason than you might explain why feeling good doesn't trump cynicism.

  3. ha, what was a great in depth analysis of this odd commercial. i think this stuff was going through the minds of a LOT of people who saw these ads.


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