Friday, April 16, 2010
Finally, a Commercial which features Dad as a Role Model!
Here's an interesting twist to the "infantile people can't, and shouldn't, be able to do one damned thing without consulting their phones first" theme, which is not exclusive to Verizon Wireless and the 3G Network.
A family of intentionally vague ethnicity arrives at the entrance to The Magic Kingdom, ready for a day of long lines, crowds, noise, bad food and the occasional roller coaster ride. "It's the moment of truth" the narrator tells us, as Mommy pulls out her phone, her red map of the United States of Freckles pops up, and the kids lean forward to see whatever the hell it is Mommy has to do on her phone THIS TIME.
"Moment of truth?" I had to watch this commercial for a few times before I figured out what the intended message was- this woman is actually trying to use her phone to find out which rides have the shortest lines, so the family can plan their journey through the maze of pasty old parents, surly texting teenagers, and whiny adolescents with maximum efficiency. That the lines aren't getting shorter- and no one is getting any younger- as they stand there waiting for Mommy to pronounce that Verizon has once again Shown the Way doesn't seem to occur to any of them, except....
"Where's dad?" one of the kid asks. Dad? Who is dad? Oh, that guy who came with us and purchased our Unlimited Talking Plans, is that who you are talking about? Yeah, where IS dad?
There he is- he's given a silent "Fuck This" to what is probably Episode #16,758 in the Adventures of Helpless Mom and Her All-Knowing Phone and has ditched his family to jump on a ride.
Let's set aside the fact that this means Dad has gone through the entrance without them, and that if he's carrying the money, they ain't getting in. Let's instead focus on the way Verizon has just snarked all over it's own concept-- We are told that Mommy NEEDS to use her phone to find the rides with the shortest lines ( I think that most sane people choose rides based on what looks like the most fun, not which have the shortest lines, which is why you don't see a lot of people on the Teacups or Ferris Wheel) but then we are shown that Dad has managed to score a ride WITHOUT waiting for Verizon to Tell Him What To Do.
In fact, Dad has broken free of Verizon AND his dimwitted, phone-dependent wife and children, and is ahead of them in the Having Fun department. Because he IGNORED the fact that Verizon's 3G Network could have provided him with a map of rides the family could have spent the day staring at instead. Imagine that!
The kids might appreciate this, but I suspect that Mommy will be very disapproving, and will be reporting her non-conformist husband to The Network at the end of the day. I mean, where does he get off finding rides by just looking around? He will be assimilated, dammit!
But until then- Dad, I salute you. The only way you could have played this better is if you had taken the phone out of Mommy's hand and chucked it into the nearest deep fryer.