Tuesday, June 15, 2010
"America's Got Talent" has an audience- which probably explains these ads
There are a lot of these eTrade "baby" commercials, and they are all truly hideous. First, they suck because they appeal to the lowest common denominator in the audience- the drooling, knuckle-dragging morons who who type "LOL" and "Ths is HLARIOUS!" in the comment section on Youtube. Yes, babies whose movements are manipulated by removing and re-arranging frames and whose "speech" is provided by off-camera narrators is just SO F--ING FUNNY OHMIGOD LOL, if you are A) drunk or B) under thirteen years old, that is.
Second, they suck because of what they are selling. "The eTrade computer triggered my stop losses, saving me a pantload?" What the hell? Most of the people in this country live with a NEGATIVE savings rate. That means that Stagnant Wages + Rising Prices = Using your credit card just to keep your head above water. Showing us babies yakking about "stop losses" and "managing investment portfolios" just doesn't sit very well these days. Like the obnoxious little twerps who can't stop bitching about broker's fees over at Schwab ("Ask Chuck") there's nothing especially appealing about the thought of kids who still need their diapers changed pushing their excess money around with their laptops- while "catching the Red Eye after a bachelor party," no less. Damn, I hope that plane slams into a mountain -- or at least, hits enough turbulence to knock this little prick's milk glass all over his computer.
Heck, I'd settle for another bubble bursting all over his portfolio.
There will be a lot more of these ads, because there are a LOT of people out there who will never, ever use the service being advertised, but just love the babies and (OMIGD DID YOU HEAR THAT?) the "funny" lines given to them. Twenty years after Look Who's Talking, this crap still sells. Because a lot of people are still really, really stupid.