Tuesday, June 22, 2010

More Future Heart Disease patients endorsing everyone's favorite deadly orange goo

Here's the second of two annoying new Kraft Macaroni and Cheese commercials, this one featuring the new "Homestyle" recipe which is supposed to appeal not to kids who can be excused for eating what their parents put in front of them and choosing favorite foods based on taste alone, but on adults who really ought to know better. I mean, really- eventually, most people realize that it's a good idea to brush your teeth even though your mom isn't there to make you anymore, regular bathing is important even if no one is dragging you to the tub, and making fatty garbage part of your regular diet is a mistake even if no one is watching and you are buying the "food" with your own money.

Oh, and putting bread crumbs on garbage and baking it doesn't make it less garbage, or more healthy. For the record, a "serving" of prepared Kraft Mac n' Cheese (one cup!) has 400 calories, 29% of the RDA for sodium, 19 grams of fat, and virtually no fiber. Bad enough for an adult, even worse for kids still developing the concept of "comfort food." Way to model good eating habits, idiots.

As for the commercial itself: Just like the previous one, this ad features an inattentive mom gabbing away on the phone in the background. Just like the previous one, it features a "precocious" little girl- this one is trying really, really hard to be a young Christina Ricci- muttering vague threats into the camera. This time, however, Dad isn't the target of the kid's venom. Dad doesn't even make an appearance- maybe he's already been wished into the cornfield. Mom's the one making the icky baked mac and cheese, yet she escapes blame, as the kid prefers to attack Kraft itself. Wednesday Addams's little missive is completed with a rather odd "as an eight-year old without any assets of my own and totally dependent on my parents for support, I'm warning you" declaration and a "please, Hollywood, can't you see I'm perfect for Casper II" eyebrow twitch.

I won't even comment on "Whatever happened to Cheesesaurus Rex, I loved that guy!" because I have no f--ing idea what the hell this girl is talking about. My guess is that she's referring to some lame ad campaign which fizzled out quite some time ago, when the makers of Kraft Mac and Cheese suddenly remembered who actually buys their product- adults with no cooking skills or common sense, and parents with no time or sense of responsibility or taste.


  1. Why would anyone in 50,000 bamboo and stainless steel kitchen make a 99 cent bag of macaroni and orange elmers glue for dinner? They have a freaking stainless steel professional oven hood. That thing alone has to run 5 or 6 grand.

  2. I actually mentioned in my first draft that in my experience, only people with limited incomes eat crap like this- it's very cheap, it's filling, it's quick, etc. To watch obviously upper-Middle class people serving this shit to their kids when they clearly could afford healthy food ticks me off. I cut it out because I thought it sounded elitist. But it's accurate, and I should have left it in.

  3. It can also be thrown at pop combos from Scarborough, Ontario.