Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Will the people who drive this die amidst thunderous applause?

Here's a quick question: Why do cars need names? They aren't people. Are we supposed to think of them as pets?

Ok, I can buy the name Jeep "Wrangler." Nothing particularly offensive about it, just stupid. But Jeep "Cherokee?" What gives Jeep the right to use the name of an indigenous people? Are we going to see a "Jeep Irish" or "Jeep Chinese" someday? I doubt it. So why is "Jeep Cherokee" ok?

Oh, but then it gets worse, in my opinion. "Jeep Liberty?" What does buying a Jeep have to do with Liberty? I mean, besides the fact that Jeep Owners can pretend that they are rushing med supplies to a MASH unit instead of dashing over to Seven-Eleven for a Heat Lamp Dog during halftime (helps to have a "Support the Troops" bumper sticker, I imagine?) And "Jeep Patriot?" Seriously- "Patriot?" It's bad enough that an XM-Sirius radio channel featuring Mike Church, Mark Levine and Sean Hannity is called "Patriot Radio." Does that word mean anything anymore?

I understand that car companies are having a rough time of it these days- no, I'm not talking about depressed sales and competition from foreign manufacturers. I mean from cell phone companies, which create and market "new" products roughly every three days or so, each of which need to have a cool name like "Curve" and "Storm" and "Hero" (gag), all of which are subsequently no longer available for use with cars. I can't believe that we can't do better than "Cherokee," "Liberty," and "Patriot," though. How about "Waste," "Conspicuous," or "Poser?"

Actually, "Poser" sounds like the perfect name for a cell phone, too. Let's see who snatches it up first.


  1. I hope it's alright with you, but I linked your blog from mine. :)

  2. Of course it's alright, I feel so honored ;>)

  3. One thing that Henry Ford got right was naming his first cars as simply as possible; we'd be a damned sight better off if we were to deal with a Jeep X-33A or Ford D7M instead of the ludicrous names they have now.

  4. Your posts are usually pretty funny and insightful; but instead of criticizing Jeep for the stupid name of its vehicle, why not jump on the tards who think everyone in the world notices what they drive and judges them accordingly?

  5. Conrad.

    That's a good point; what makes the people you describe especially fatuous is that nowadays, all cars look more or less identical. There was a time when you could tell that a given vehicle was the product of a particular company but not any more. All that distinguishes them is the logo on the radiator grille.