Monday, August 16, 2010

"Why do you feel compelled to rationalize our relationship?"

Here's another one of those "funny" Miller Lite ads in which the guy becomes tongue-tied and hil-ARIOUSLY inarticulate when his Significant Other attempts to get him to use the word "Love" in a sentence without the adding the words "this beer."

This time, the beautiful, long-suffering You Wanted this Relationship, So Live With It female is sitting with the guy in some park which allows the consumption of alcohol when she springs the "Why do you love me?" trap. Unable to come up with a suitable answer that doesn't reveal that he clings to her for sex and beer, this clown naturally stumbles around for a bit, tries to mention something about her hair, and finally falls flat on his face by throwing the question back to her.

She's ready for this. She quickly replies "you're my soul mate."

He's frozen. He answers "ditto," which on the surface doesn't seem to please her- but she doesn't get up and walk away, and it's hard to imagine that his ends the relationship. Which means that, just like all the other women in all the other Miller Lite commercials, she's going to cling to her choad like a tic to a raccoon.

I have a better answer for this woman. Several, in fact:

1. "What the hell does that mean, I'm your soul mate?"

2. "You love me because I'm your 'soul mate?' Well, what makes me that? The fact that I can't tell you I love you back? Have you always had these self-esteem issues?"

3. "You love me because I'm your soul mate? Doesn't that mean 'I've decided that we are meant to be together, so I'd better love you, or live my life in sad misery with someone I don't love?"

4. "If I'm your soul mate, why do I need to respond to your bullshit questions at all? Pour me another beer, soul mate."

5. "Are you honest enough to admit that if I had said 'you're my soul mate' first, you would have called me on such a lame-ass, meaningless, cookie-cutter response?"

Any of these would be far better than "ditto." But then again, who am I to criticize an ugly, inarticulate doofus who has somehow landed a hot bubble-headed enabler willing to overlook Disinterest in Commitment because she thinks he's her "soul mate?" I raise my beer to you, sir.


  1. Wow. A little deep for a light beer commercial, don't you think? I can't imagine how much of your life you wasted getting all philosophical over a short TV ad.

  2. Speaking of wasted lives, what's the value of one spent trolling blogs for posts that you don't like?