Sunday, August 1, 2010
A very accurate depiction of how cell phone addicts view the world
For smokers, the world is just one big ashtray. I just came back from a week at the beach, and lost count of how many jackasses felt perfectly comfortable blowing smoke in my face (and the faces of their children) before flicking their cancer sticks into the ocean or crushing them into the sand to be shared with the seagulls.
To witless, dim cell phone addicts, the world really is, or at least ought to be, one big signal tower, because GOD FUCKING FORBID you should EVER be without service, EVER. Here's what I saw on a crowded boardwalk as well as right next to the water (I kept hoping I'd see one drop into the ocean and get ruined, but dammit, no such luck:)
1. Countless numbers of beachgoers struggling to decipher what was on their little glowing screens through the sun glare. Naturally, whatever it was, it was waaaayyy too important to wait, because I saw at least one frustrated young woman actually burrow under her blanket to create shade.
2. An apparently infinite number of twentysomethings marching down the narrow sidewalk staring at their little phones, texting away, completely oblivious to the fact that there are other life forms on the planet who have not yet been trained to part the fucking waters as they rush relentlessly past. The sign must always say "Walk" while I text, I must always have all my bars, and obstacles in front of me must melt or fall away lest I be interrupted from my quality time with my best friend.
3. An absolutely SICKENING number of alleged adults with small children who apparently thought that they were having a lovely week at the beach with their phones, which would be perfect if only these damn kids weren't hanging around to keep asking to go for walks, build sandcastles, go swimming, and all those other annoyances kids throw at you when you are trying to stare at your phone. I suppose we've got a generation of kids growing up now who are getting used to being ignored by mom and dad, or at least having to compete for attention (and usually losing) with mommy's I Phone, but Jesus, people, why did you have kids if you weren't willing to put the fucking phones away and give them some of your attention during FAMILY VACATIONS?
(What am I thinking? A lot of these people weren't willing to give up smoking for their kids- they are going to give up their cell phones?)
But back to this commercial. All would be forgiven if only the girl sauntering down the street with her eyes glued to her phone ended up under the wheels of a transit bus. No one can tell me she wouldn't deserve it. And when her family is asked "how did she die?" it would be entirely accurate to respond "she O.D'd."