Sunday, August 8, 2010

They're MY Eggs, and I want that Goose dead NOW!

What's the most obnoxious, depressing thing about this commercial for JG Wentworth, a company which apparently specializes in urging people to go ahead and kill that ol' golden goose and get all the eggs right now?

1. That the guy shown in the opening scene might as well be depicted as having a light bulb go off in his otherwise empty head, as a few words from the tv pitchman has him suddenly realizing that HEY, he's got a structured settlement, annuity or lottery winnings coming, and bills pending, so why shouldn't he have all that money RIGHT NOW?

2. That JG Wentworth has so little respect for it's potential customers that it needs to show us EIGHT morons behaving like brain-damaged contestants on Deal or No Deal, advertising their utter imbecility to the world by screaming "It's My Money, And I Want It Now!" at their innocent neighbors (and in one case, to the poor people stuck in traffic with Mr IQ.)

3. That there are really people out there willing to use JG Wentworth's "service," which involves receiving a one-time lump sum payment in exchange for scheduled future payments, because they are too damned pathetic to get their financial houses in order? I mean, these have got to be the same people who give away a large percentage of their tax refunds for the "convenience" of immediate payment, right?
How seriously stupid do you have to be to want to cash out for pennies on the dollar?

People so fucking greedy and impatient that they are downright EAGER to hand over a big chunk of money to get the rest a bit faster must have read only half the fable- when they get to the part where the guy says to himself "if I cut open the goose, I get all the eggs at once!" they closed the book and thought "yep, I'd do that too. Good plan!"


  1. It would be edifying to see what life was like for the people who availed themselves of this alleged service after they burn through what was supposed to last them for years. Odds are, they have no idea why the eggs are no longer forthcoming when they need them more than ever.

  2. People who win huge amounts of money in settlements and lotteries tend to end up in serious debt whether they get the money in an annuity or all at once, so maybe the message here is "you are going to end up broke anyway, being the irresponsible, 'live for today' moron that you are, so why not speed up the process?"

  3. Point taken; it's not as if they've the brains to stick it in the bank and live off the interest or anything so someone sharp might as well have the use of the cash.