Thursday, September 9, 2010

I can't see the forest with this tree in the way

"Mom, do you remember the day I was born?"

"Boy, do I ever! I had come in for my 41-week check, and the doctor decided to induce me."

"Do you remember how you felt when you realized you were going to have me?"

"I remember the doctor was impatient, I guess I took longer than he expected, because I distinctly recall that he looked at his watch over and over again."

"Weren't you thinking about me coming out, how you'd hold me and..."

"Sure, sure. I also remember how the nurse kept trying to distract me by getting me to 'breathe' or something. Oh, and then the doctor left, and I made a mental note- between gasps of air- of the clothes he was wearing."

"Um....but then you called Dad, right? Wasn't he there when you..."

"After I made the mental note that the doctor was wearing tennis shoes as he was leaving, all I could think was 'wait till I get home and get online, I'm going right to Angie's List!"

"I bet you were so happy when you brought me home..did you love me even then?"

"Sure, sure. When I got home I went to Angie's List right away- I had to tell my story and nail that doctor, what a jerk.."

"But you brought home a healthy baby, everything went great, you brought me, a new life, into the world..."

"The guy left early. And he was wearing TENNIS SHOES. TENNIS SHOES!! I'll never forget it!"

"So when you think about the day I was born, you think about..."

"TENNIS SHOES! I mean, can you believe it?"

Sure, I believe it. Especially if this is the same woman as the one who starts her nag with "I was tired of cleaning my house" (oh you poor baby, I know exactly how you feel) and ends by bitching about how the otherwise-perfect wage slave she hired annoyed her with her whistling. What is it about Angie's List that breeds obnoxious, whiny, demanding, ungrateful, anal-retentive idiots?

1 comment:

  1. Dreaded, it seems that all of the Angie's List commercials, with two exceptions, follow the same theme- whether it's the "doctor didn't hold my hand while I gave birth" ad or the "painters dripped red paint and got mad at eachother" ad or the "cleaning lady whistled too much" ad, the message is the same: Everything worked out great, but here's this site I can use to nitpick, so I'm going to. Because I can."

    The two exceptions I've seen is the nauseating "plumber walks the dog" story- does the plumber do this because hell, he's being paid a hundred bucks an hour anyway, so he might as well, or is he doing it to avoid a nasty "my plumber wouldn't kiss my ass" notice on Angie's List, and the "contractor watched porn instead of working" ad, in which the complaint is FINALLY legit.

    Other than these, Angie's list seems to have been created to give assholes an opportunity to bitch about NOTHING, holding a mallet over the heads of future employees. Seems to me that in time, the future employees will be screening the screeners.