Thursday, September 9, 2010
I can't see the forest with this tree in the way
"Mom, do you remember the day I was born?"
"Boy, do I ever! I had come in for my 41-week check, and the doctor decided to induce me."
"Do you remember how you felt when you realized you were going to have me?"
"I remember the doctor was impatient, I guess I took longer than he expected, because I distinctly recall that he looked at his watch over and over again."
"Weren't you thinking about me coming out, how you'd hold me and..."
"Sure, sure. I also remember how the nurse kept trying to distract me by getting me to 'breathe' or something. Oh, and then the doctor left, and I made a mental note- between gasps of air- of the clothes he was wearing."
"Um....but then you called Dad, right? Wasn't he there when you..."
"After I made the mental note that the doctor was wearing tennis shoes as he was leaving, all I could think was 'wait till I get home and get online, I'm going right to Angie's List!"
"I bet you were so happy when you brought me home..did you love me even then?"
"Sure, sure. When I got home I went to Angie's List right away- I had to tell my story and nail that doctor, what a jerk.."
"But you brought home a healthy baby, everything went great, you brought me, a new life, into the world..."
"The guy left early. And he was wearing TENNIS SHOES. TENNIS SHOES!! I'll never forget it!"
"So when you think about the day I was born, you think about..."
"TENNIS SHOES! I mean, can you believe it?"
Sure, I believe it. Especially if this is the same woman as the one who starts her nag with "I was tired of cleaning my house" (oh you poor baby, I know exactly how you feel) and ends by bitching about how the otherwise-perfect wage slave she hired annoyed her with her whistling. What is it about Angie's List that breeds obnoxious, whiny, demanding, ungrateful, anal-retentive idiots?