Sunday, September 12, 2010

Quick Quiz: Who is the Biggest Loser in this Commercial?

Is it this guy, with his hang-dog look, his greasy hair, and his total inability to stick up for himself and tell this wretched woman what he thinks of her "its not like you are a human being or anything" attitude? I mean, can we all agree that a glass of cold water to the face would be a perfectly appropriate response to the look she gives him in the ad's final seconds?

Is it this woman, who we can easily imagine spent each moment of every date consulting her Facebook page, tweeting, texting, and otherwise treating the guy she was with like a worthless piece of crap who only existed to pick up the check at the end of the evening? Is she really such a prize that guys are likely to instantly note her "single" status and start calling her asking for an opportunity to take her and her phone out for a nice dinner and get treated like a pile of shit for their efforts?

The answer is really None of the Above. Yes, these people are both really pathetic losers. The guy has no spine and no dignity, the woman probably once had a soul, but it's been exchanged for a Social Network, and all that's left behind is a hollow shell which, sorry, does not have the surface attraction to pull off this level of cruelty for very long. But in a way, they are also winners- they are both getting out of what was probably a miserable non-relationship anyway, not that they are likely to provide warmth and a level of happiness to anyone else in the near future. Or ever.

So, who are the real losers? The answer is actually pretty obvious: the real losers are the other people sitting down for dinner at what looks to be a pretty nice restaurant, because they get to hear these two disfunctional knobs "communicate" with each other through their cell phones, which at LEAST are on vibrate (but anyone who has ever been in a confined place near a person with a constantly-vibrating cell phone knows that this is only a small comfort.) Never mind the glass of water to the face of the woman in this commercial- I think that the other customers would be more than justified in ganging up on these two insufferable twits and cracking their skulls together if they won't turn off their damned phones and just TALK TO EACH OTHER. It's not like they were using the contents anyway.


  1. I love your commentary on this ad. Every single time I see this on tv I almost get sick to my stomach. It definitely is entertaining and draws you toward the tv...but the simple annoying factor of the girl's face is priceless and makes the commercial what it is.

  2. The woman looks absolutely malicious when she gets to the "I just updated my Facebook status to 'single'" line. When she gets to the last message -- the actual phone call -- she looks like she's just toying with the guy for her own amusement.

    The first look ought to be enough to make any man leave the table. Any man who stuck around long enough for the second one would have a tough time restraining himself from going over the table after her.

  3. I can't imagine any guy hanging around beyond her first "I just dumped you" email. The fact that he continues to sit there tells us everything we need to know about why he ended up with such a vicious, thoughtless, heartless jerk.