Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The Biggest Losers

I really don't want to trash Weight Watchers here- I understand a lot of people struggle with their weight, and if you can make money convincing people that you have the answer to their problems, well, good for you.

No, I don't want to trash Weight Watchers, or Jenny Craig, or any of those other Weight Loss organizations which have probably helped thousands of people who simply cannot lose the excess pounds without the (largely imaginary) assistance of a giant corporation.

Still, I don't get how an obsession with "points" which extends to choosing light beer over dark (better tip: stop drinking beer) and grilling (better tip: cut out meat- it's better for you, the environment, and the animals) really teaches anyone to embrace a healthy lifestyle (as opposed to simply dumping a lot of weight momentarily.)

I also don't get why losing weight is still being treated like rocket science by so many people. Well, ok, actually I do: because treating weight loss as if it's some kind of mystery which can only be solved through an expensive, complicated program keeps a lot of people confused, bewildered, and willing to part with their hard-earned cash in search of the magic bullet.

I'm not a doctor, and I don't play one online. But there's nothing mysterious about what we need to do to stop being the most disgustingly obese nation on the planet. We need to stop eating so much damn meat- it's unnecessary, it's fatty, and it's cruel. We need to eat more green plants and fruit. We need to eat a LOT more whole grains and a LOT less bread. We need to stop consuming dairy products as if we're afraid that we'll hurt the feelings of the cows we have imprisoned on corporate "farms" (it would be more accurate to call them concentration camps for bovines.) We need to drink a LOT more water. And we need to stop Gaming and Texting and Tweeting and just plain SITTING and start MOVING AROUND MORE.

Sorry if this sounded preachy, but watching these idiots on tv crow about their "success" at emptying their pockets into the vast bank accounts over at Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, etc. etc. ETC. is really irritating, because all those companies do is sell a product which is free to people with a little common sense.

Oh, and here's a message to the guy who is so proud that he's no longer a sweaty, greasy slob: Maybe you look better than your friends. But I look better than you. No, I didnt' lose 160 pounds. But that's because I never had to.

And I didn't give Weight Watchers a dime.

Eat that.


  1. Come on, John. You know they won't "eat that" till you deep fry it and slather it in butter.

  2. And add it to an All You Can Eat Salad, Pizza and Desert Bar.