Friday, May 23, 2014
Ancestory.com- because no one wants to chat, no one wants to read your tweets, and G-d F-ing Forbid you just go offline for a bit.
"You don't have to know what you're looking for, you just have to start looking."*
Um, no, you don't. You can get your fat butt out of that chair, smear some sunscreen on your face, and go outside. Who knows what you'll find? Fresh air. Singing birds. Kids playing. A warm sun giving your skin a healthy glow. Air that hasn't been filtered through an AC unit filling your lungs. Maybe a neighbor who got the same inspiration to actually do something that didn't involve the internet- the neighbor you haven't seen since you were stringing lights around your house last December, perhaps?
Because after all, you really haven't managed to convince yourself that you give a damn about your ancestors, or that giving a damn will do anything to enrich your life in any way. This is all about having another excuse for not leaving the house, or using that So Much Smarter Than You phone. And wasting money. In short, it's all about your sad little life spent gazing at a glowing screen, trying to find some meaning in all this and hoping that you'll find it for sale on some website at a reasonable price.
I just had to include this parody ad along with the actual commercial, because it's so spot-on. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
*Unless I'm misinterpreting what I'm seeing, doesn't the woman in the first ad hit a gigantic dead end just a few generations into her search, when she finds out her great-grandmother was found abandoned outside an Abbey (thus her last name?)