Saturday, August 23, 2014

Oscar Mayer doesn't take pollution very seriously

Just one question- does it come with it's own designated landfill?

Twenty-five years ago I was stacking "Lunchables," Oscar Mayer's 90s version of it's Very Little Food Surrounded by a Lot of Plastic, at a Wegman's in upstate New York.  "Lunchables" at that time consisted of about eight crackers, eight slices of pre-sliced cheese, and a square of pressed ham you'd expect to see being dished out in some dystopia/crapsack world movie like "Divergent."

As it turns out, Oscar Mayer wasn't kidding- they don't like "fads" over there.  Here's the proof- Snackables for "adults" who have no more economic sense or social conscience than their parents did back in the 90s.  A handful (almost) of nuts, an ounce or two of cheese, and "meat" (not even named in this commercial- just to be safe, I guess- and because it's spoken you can't see the quotation marks around the word "meat.....")  I can totally see 5-6 of these providing a nice energy burst for the truly active guy.  Oh, and with a super-hip name: P3.  I guess that's "Protein 3," for the three ingredients- except it leaves out the Fat, Salt, and Preservatives that make up most of what's in the package.

And speaking of the package- again, the more things change, the more they stay the same.  Here's about six ounces of food wrapped in eight ounces of plastic that will still exist when the sun goes supernova.  Thanks, Oscar Mayer.  Twenty-five years later, you're still part of the problem.

(Oh, and BTW- smug doofus eating this junk? You'd be far better off doing any of those "stupid" things you are sneering at, including guzzling that protein drink, than popping that fatty, salty junk.  And you'd be doing the world a favor, too.  Not that you look like you're in to that kind of thing.)

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