Wednesday, November 4, 2015

I get you, lady. You are a techno-addled idiot with no taste in pizza

As near as I can tell, this stupid woman who I guess is famous for something and I'm supposed to know what it is just sent "pizza emojis" (god I hate this century so much) to everyone she knew until finally she sent one to Dominos, which responded by sending her a cruddy pizza, which I guess is what she wanted in the first place.

It would probably amaze her and other people to know that pizza delivery predates the internet and cellphones- that's right, boys and girls, even before the late-90s it was possible to get pizza delivered to your home.  You just used a phone with a cord attached to the wall and called the restaurant and what do you know, between thirty and sixty minutes later it showed up at your house (just like today, but more about that in a moment.)

The use of emojis to order pizza is just another way of streamlining the thinking process and making it less likely that you'll reconsider your investment of $20 on a pile of bland white bread, cheese and sugary sauce.  Making it easier to order means making it easier to make a dumb mistake- which means, ordering this crap.  Dominos has clearly figured out that the longer it takes to order one of it's bottom-of-the-barrel pizzas, the more likely the potential customer is to remember she's got leftovers in the fridge, or is already twenty pounds overweight, or ran out of money near the end of the previous month and doesn't want to make a habit of that.

But back to the whole point, click and buy concept being sold to us here-- anyone else notice that in the last ten years, all of the "improvements" involved in pizza delivery services revolve around how we order pizzas and pay for them?  Meanwhile, I've seen no improvements in how they taste or how long it takes for them to get to our door.  I suspect that in ten years, these couch pumpkins will be able to just THINK about a pizza and it will be delivered- in 30 to 60 minutes.  And it will taste like cardboard covered in ketchup.  Just like today.

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