Sunday, August 26, 2018
NFL Sunday Ticket to Nowhere
Two kids in the suburbs are doing that retro suburban thing, selling lemonade. They've got the adorable handmade sign and the pitcher of lemonade and they are ready to spend some quality time with eachother, outside, on a beautiful Sunday afternoon.
Nope. That's not going to happen. Because Mom, who was still in bed from an evening of heavy drinking after yet another disasterous Match.com hookup, has finally risen, showered, and noticed that it's 12:30* and the pregame show for the Raiders/Cowboys is seconds away from starting.
Mom's super-lonely and can't bear the thought of watching a game by herself while her kids are outside doing non-football stuff, so she runs out and sells their entire lemonade supply to their first customer, pouring it into some weird novelty plastic cup that came out of nowhere to provide the punchline for the commercial (seriously, what the heck is that? It's even too big to be available at 7-11 for $1.49.)
And then we see Mom and the two kids having a great time cheering on either the Raiders or the Cowboys from the couch. Yeah, this is MUCH better than being outside on a beautiful day- but still not as good as watching the game at Hooter's, where you can get a basket of buffalo wings and don't have to settle for popcorn.
*Assuming that these people are rooting for the local team, this suburb is in either the Oakland or Dallas metro areas. Either way, 12:30 local time works for the pregame show of a game starting at 4:05 EST. It could be a three or four PM local time start, too, but that would mean mom was so blasted from the night before that she didn't get up until mid-afternoon, and those kids have been outside all day without selling any lemonade. I don't know, I can't figure out anything that's not on the Eastern Seaboard.
Good luck next Saturday night, Mom.
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