Monday, September 24, 2018

Who needs Soma when you've got AT&T to feed your "thing?"

Maybe being wrapped in an electronic cocoon using a virtual reality device in public like a mentally ill, socially inept, friendless dweeb is your thing.

Maybe hibernating on your couch watching witless, generic action movies filled with explosions and machine guns and interchangeable "actors" doing stuff while your brain atrophies and starts to leak out of your ears is your thing.

Maybe walking into the woods and then staring at a screen because you figure "hey at least I'm outside" and if you go more than a few minutes without getting electronic stimulus pumped into what's left of that brain I mentioned in the last paragraph you'll collapse into a sobbing ball of Absolutely Nothing is your thing.

Whatever your thing is, if it's basically Doing Absolutely Nothing while the minutes of what you laughingly refer to as your "life" tick away, AT&T has the service for you.  If your thing is being a lazy, witless, hollow cretin who simply can't deal with the real world, is terrified of being left alone with your own thoughts, and simply must be entertained All The Freaking Time, AT&T has got the perfect drug to feed your thing.

So here you go.  Enjoy your Thing.  When you look up and notice that another day you'll never get back has passed you by, don't forget to thank AT&T.  They- and so many other Nonstop "Entertainment" companies- made all this possible.  Sucker.

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