Saturday, June 22, 2019

Samsung Presents: A new phone with a feature nobody in their right mind will want to use

"Setting aside the "designed for this generation in mind" line for a moment...

Yeah right, Samsung.  I've seen people refuse to let old men cut in line at the coffee shop.  I've seen seated twentysomethings ignore standing pregnant women on the metro.  I've seen countless drivers flatly refuse to give desperate neighbors a battery boost with their cars.  And more to the point, I've seen people of all ages fight over the last available charging station at the airport gate.

Bluntly put:  No one's draining their phone battery to give someone else's phone a boost.  Certainly not a total stranger at a bar.  And the idea that it will become a natural thing to do because hey, they'll pay it forward, is an even bigger joke. 

How would this work anyway?  "Hey buddy, my cell phone is at 20%.  Can you give me some power?"

"Well, I'm going to be out all night. and my battery is at 80%...I don't know, I have calls to make and I kind of wanted to watch a podcast later....."

"Oh come on, this is an emergency."

"Well, ok, I'll get your phone up to 30%, how's that?"

"Ugh what a selfish jerk, forget it.  I don't know what's happened to society.  My kid wants to watch cartoons, and my phone is almost dead.  You don't have any kids, but your precious podcast is more important than my kid?  You're breaking her heart.  You just don't care."

"Um, why don't you just carry a portable charger?  I mean, the really good ones cost like thirty bucks."

"Go to hell you selfish creep."

Seriously, who the heck is going to volunteer cell phone charge to anyone?  I think people will avoid getting this phone so they DON'T find themselves constantly dunned for free boosts from fellow cellphone addicts who couldn't be bothered to think ahead.  In this way it's NOT AT ALL like the pregnant woman who needs a seat or the stranded motorist who needs someone to help him with his jumper cables.  This is about enabling someone's "need" to be on their phone constantly.  No thanks.  Here's a better idea- keep your phone charged.  If you simply must drain your battery when you're out on the town, carry a charger with you.  But asking me to drain my cell phone battery so you can stay connected?  I'm going to opt out.  I'll let you cut in line at the coffee shop and I'll definitely give my seat on the train and when I had a car I sure would have helped you out of a jam by getting your car going.  I'm drawing the line here though, because dammit, you need to show some responsibility despite what commercials are teaching you.

"Designed with this generation in mind"--ouch, that''s a pretty nasty slap at millions of people who happen to have been born between an arbitrary set of years, Samsung.  I'm insulted on their behalf.

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