Wednesday, June 19, 2019
The Curse of the Insurance Spokeschoad
Agent: "This happens all the time, I'll help take care of it."
Sports Figure Appearing in State Farm Commercials instead of Winning Championships: "What happens all the time?"
Agent: "We get called by a sports figure who makes huge amounts of money while either playing for an Also-Ran non-championship team or retired from that team."
Sports Figure: "What? What do you mean?"
Agent: "Well, currently you guys keep showing up in State Farm Commercials. You're well-known members of the Houston Rockets, a team which failed- once again- to win the championship this year. Hell, you didn't even make it to the finals. But no problem, you're recognizable, so you get to be in State Farm commercials showing off your awesome cars and ridiculous mansions, pretending to be friends in the off-season."
Sports Figure: "And that's really common? What if I appeared in commercials for some other insurance company?"
Agent: "Maybe. Remember Peyton Manning? He won two Superbowls, but he spent his entire career in the shadow of Tom Brady. If Brady hadn't been around, Peyton certainly would have won 4 or 5 rings. But it didn't really matter- even when he was at the top of his game, and having most seasons end with a loss to the Patriots in a playoff game, he was being regularly featured in these ads. Heck, he's been retired for years and he's still pimping for Nationwide."
Sports Figure: "Well, ok but that's Peyton Manning. Anyone else?"
Agent: "Do you ever watch TV? 88% of our ads feature Aaron Rodgers. You know Aaron Rodgers- he's the guy that douchenozzle Max Kellerman says Tom Brady isn't better than in the same breath he uses to call Tom Brady the greatest QB of all time. He's the guy who has exactly one Superbowl ring from eight years ago but is still recognizable enough to be a State Farm spokeschoad."
Sports Figure: "But they DID win championships. So there is SOME hope for me."
Agent: "Yeah, sure, sure there is. Can you go back to being a bug-eyed idiot for an insurance company now? I mean, it's not like you have a parade to be in or anything like that."