Thursday, November 26, 2020

Another Experian "Credit Boost" ad, this one with John Cena Because Reasons


 "You didn't get the credit card you wanted" deadpans the apparently stoned girl at the bar. "There's nothing I can do" answers the greasy creep she's with. Ah but then John Cena shows up on a horse (whatever) and tells the greasy creep that there IS something he can do- he can downloan an app and push a button and like magic erase part of the lousy but totally-accurate credit history that is keeping his FICA score down. 

 Wow, problem solved and now- as the video description tells us- he can get that credit card he obviously needs because it's not like debt-to-credit ratio has an impact on your credit score or anything. 

Allow me to step in here, Mr. Cena. Because as someone for whom a 709 credit score would be a cause for investigation into identity theft, I have a few pieces of actual advice for Mr. "there's nothing I can do" here: 

1. Don't buy what you don't need. Having money is not an excuse for spending money. 

2. If you have debt and you continue to buy, you are just borrowing more from your debtors. Let me put this in simpler terms for simpler people: When you owe someone money, and instead of paying that person back you buy something else, you are using that person's money to buy yourself something. There's no "debt money" and "fun money." Don't believe me? Owe someone money. You'll get it then. 

3. Pay your bills on time, every time. 

4. And this is most important- live within your means. If you don't like the way you are living on the money you have, strive to make more money. Don't play Let's Pretend with debt. That big-screen tv and nice car you can't afford on your low salary isn't fooling anyone. It's lipstick on a pig. I might add- stop looking for a quick, easy, magical solution to the problem you created for yourself. But being patient and willing to sacrifice for the long term has never been a popular message on tv OR in real life, so I don't know why I should even bother. I'd also like to suggest that the guy in this ad should probably be grateful he can't get another credit card since he clearly couldn't manage the ones he current has- but again, why bother?


  1. I think the actress was aiming for "empathetic sadness" but yes she actually landed closer to "stoned".

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