Friday, November 6, 2020

Is Alien Tape just punking us?

I just have one question about this "amazing" tape/not tape product which allegedly can be used in place of wall-ruining tape and nails to do everything from hanging portraits to cementing bowls on to high chairs and fixing furniture in place:  Is it a "permanent solution," or is it not?

Watch this commercial very carefully.  Again and again, we're told how powerful this stuff is at holding things wherever you want to put them.  Several times the words THIS IS A PERMANANT SOLUTION shows up on the screen.  But at the same time, we're told that it's completely removable ("just twist and remove.")  That doesn't sound like much of a "permanent solution."  You can't have it both ways, Alien Tape!  Is this stuff that I can use to mount my 500-lb Rembrandt to the wall of my one-bedroom apartment, knowing that it will stay in place for ever and ever (that's what "permanent solution" means, right?)  Or am I at risk of knocking it off the wall if I bump into it, causing the material to "twist" slightly?  

It's really easy to miss that "this is a permanent solution" line, as it's never uttered, and meanwhile we keep being shown people making adjustments to the stuff that's been mounted with Alien Tape, including taking them completely down so we can see how the wall isn't damaged by the tape because "it's not an adhesive."  It's really easy to see people just buying this stuff, using it to mount something on their wall, seeing it's crooked- and not being able to budge it because THIS IS A PERMANENT SOLUTION, just like the small print in the commercial said but the narrator never did.  It's a lot easier to believe that this stuff doesn't actually work at all, and that expensive thing you mounted falls down and breaks in the middle of the night. Which is why I'm sticking to good old poster putty when I mount my Rembrandts.  But seriously, what the hell is going on here, Alien Tape?  Are you trying to get people to cement things to their walls, or get their priceless shower shelves broken, or what?

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