Sunday, February 4, 2024

Borrowing from Peter to pay Paul is the "grown up" solution, according to SoFi....


"My relationship with my credit cards wasn't good...."  

Translation:  "I kept using my credit cards recklessly.  For some reason, this was the fault of a bank that offered me unsecured loans at my own discretion, and little pieces of plastic in my wallet."

"I got into debt in college...."

Translation:  "I bought pizza and beer, but because I also happened to be enrolled in a four-year post-High School institution at the time, I am going to mention 'college' so that your brain thinks I was using the money for books or some other investment in my future.  This is all about me painting myself as a victim, after all."

"...and because of the high interest, no matter how much I paid, it followed me everywhere."

Translation:  "It was so unfair that every month I kept sending the minimum, despite having a substantial office job and a nice house in the suburbs, but the darn principal never went down.  And no matter where I went, I owed that money, which of course it did but Shut Up you're supposed to be feeling sorry for me by now."  

"between the high interest and fees, I felt trapped!"

Translation:  "Despite my college education, I couldn't grasp the concept of paying down my credit cards to avoid interest, or making payments on time to avoid fees.  It's easier to just complain like they are 'unfair' or something.  Relatable, too- there are a LOT of deadbeats honest Americans out there just like me, after all."

" I broke up with my credit card debt, and consolidated it into a low-rate personal loan from SoFi."

And here's the punchline to this unfunny joke:  This asshat with a nice job and a big house in the suburbs was being held down by his freely accrued debts, which totaled the life-crushing amount of....$4017.24.  That debt didn't stop him from buying that house.  It didn't stop him from doing ANYTHING.  He just found it annoying.  So he shifted it to an online bank which offered him a lower interest rate.  Which is fine in itself- if he's been paying on this debt for two decades (he said it started in college, and he looks like he's at least in his late-thirties now, and if he's younger than that and owns that house I hope a meteor is on its way ahead of schedule) and he still owes on it, he probably should have refinanced a long time ago.  But come on, SoFi- if you want your commercials to make even the slightest amount of sense in the real world, either add a few digits to this guy's debt (and put him in an apartment, not a damn house- I thought that his debt was "following him around"- why didn't it follow him to that bank's loan officer when he bought that house?  If it was "following him around," it sure didn't prevent him from taking on much more, substantial debt) or make him someone living in a studio apartment with two other people whose life would actually be changed by lower interest payments on a lousy four grand.  Because this- this makes NO sense. 

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