Never mind a V8- I'm sure this guy coulda found a much better person to spend his life with

It's not just that this woman keeps hitting her husband (the caption says "Husband and Wife," though I must say this looks a lot more like Abusive Controlling Girlfriend and Boyfriend With Severe Self-Esteem Issues than Husband and Wife,) on the head whenever he eats something other than vegetables.  It's really more the very satisfied look on her face while she does it.

This woman isn't disgusted at her guy's dietary choices (he seems to be living his life according to the Atkin's playbook- I don't recommend it, but jeesh, it IS his life, isn't it?)  She seems to look forward to being there when they are exhibited, so she can engage in her favorite hobby- whacking him on the head to cartoon sound effects.

And the guy doesn't seem to mind either- "I don't care how many times you do that, I don't like V8 juice."  (Sidebar here:  Is drinking V8 juice really what this woman wants the guy to do?  She doesn't care if he gets absolutely no soluble fiber in his diet, as long as he consumes some vitamins now and then?  Considering that she's eating all these greens, you'd think she'd recognize that V8 juice is just an adult version of Pediasure- something that spoiled idiots guzzle down because ewwww actual veggies are so yucky and gross and Not-Meat.)  He also seems to be saying "I don't care how many times you do that, I'm not going to walk away or even suggest that if you do it one more time, thinking it's cute, funny or in any way appropriate, this marriage is over."  He's perfectly willing to be disciplined by MommyWife if it means he can keep stuffing his colon with yummy dead animals swimming in their own grease.  Personally, I don't think she's anywhere near cute enough to tolerate, but to each his own....

Oh, and I'd like to echo what a few YouTube posters have mentioned in the comments section (this rarely happens.)   Can you imagine if these two people switched places, and the ad featured a man repeatedly hitting a woman because he doesn't approve of her eating habits?  Me Neither.  But guys being slapped around by women is still seen as somehow innocent, harmless fun in TV Land.  Go figure.

You first, Shaq

Tell you what- I'll "Man Up" and start using your moisturizer right after you "Man Up" and stop using a 25-year old body double in these stupid ads.

Who the hell do you think you're fooling here?

Technology that keeps you a child. That's pathetic.

Groan.

I guess we are supposed to think that these two brothers never, ever stopped picking on each other, all through childhood, and the "got you" game, which ends for most us long before we even finish High School,  for them continued into adulthood.

To the point where they are trying to "get" each other through a video game, which one of them is playing during a Very Important Meeting with Corporate.  In other words, while he's supposed to be doing the work he's being paid to perform.  (While the other brother, cleverly displaying contrast by sitting on a front stoop in another time zone with scruffy hair and a beard, seems totally oblivious to the fact that his sibling has a career which kind of expects him to put away the toys and the dumb rivalry during office hours.)

This is all supposed to be cute and funny and a reason to buy Verizon or whatever the hell is being pitched to us here.  All I see is "buy this, because you are still an infant, and are being allowed to remain so thanks to our technology.  Moron."

Pass.

These ads have me hopping for the remote, that's for sure

You know what the most disgusting thing about this repulsive little nub of an ad is?

No, it's not fat slobs who would apparently be just fine if their legs no longer functioned at all anymore.  It's not the fact that they are yelling at each other all throughout the house, despite the fact that this is truly obnoxious behavior even for normal people, which they most definitely are NOT.  And no, it's not even the scene with old moron watching television while reclining on the toilet (remember when George Costanza was forced to buy a book because he brought it into the restroom?  This pig's tablet should be declared a toxic waste site.  But who am I kidding- this whole damn HOUSE should be declared a toxic waste site.)

Here's the really grotesque, awful, unforgivably demented fact about this commercial:  If they edited out the guy on the toilet, it would still be just about the most awful thing any of us have ever seen on television, and the best reason possible to refuse to buy this "service" on principle. It would just be a few seconds shorter. I  mean, seriously.  Why would anyone want to contribute to the wallets of the fungus who thought this was a good way to sell their product?

Why do we keep seeing ads like this?

Because apparently, America simply cannot get enough of obnoxious kids relentlessly asking stupid questions of adults.  Or of adults responding to these stupid kids with even dumber answers.

Personally, I'd rather see doofus dumbass dad just answer the fricking questions with actual answers- "why does the door close by itself, and why do the mirrors turn in like that?"  "Because Daddy is a sucker for stupid gadgets, and the salesman said he'd show really well for the neighbors if his crap came with his car."

"Why is my butt hot?"  "I just answered that question.  Because Daddy got talked into paying extra for a ridiculous gimmick gadget he would have snarked at when he was younger.  I mean, seat warmers? Please."

"And oh by the way, stop kicking the freaking button before you break it, idiot."

So simple.  When I was married, my wife noted that it was a real crime that we never had children, because they would have been gorgeous.  They also would have been very well-behaved, and much smarter and easier to bear than any of these hideous little monsters we see on tv.  Because after all, besides being amazingly good-looking, we were also the kind of people who had this odd habit of responding to questions with answers that did not insult the questioner.  Oh well- the world's loss.  Unfortunately, there are plenty of dim-bulb, ugly morons who simply can't STOP producing jackasses like this kid.

Yep, a real crime.

Free advice for the other elephant in this Spiriva ad

Here's something else that can feel like having an elephant on your chest- carrying around an extra hundred pounds or so.

Maybe what this woman needs is a more rigorous line of work.  Seems her current job involves walking sloooowwlly around an office carrying a clipboard, nodding and waving at her fellow minions, and daydreaming about her next trip to the Wendy's drive thru during sales meetings (gee, it would be awful if her tongue swelled during lunch, preventing her from getting that new fish sandwich down!)  For a change of pace, she occasionally hauls her fat butt outside to sit in the sun with a magazine.  That's about it.

I'm sure Spiriva is great for her OCD or OLD or FAT or whatever the hell this latest miracle pill is supposed to cure-- or rather, supposed to lessen the symptoms of-- or rather, replace the symptoms of with another set of symptoms.  I just wonder why, if this drug opens this woman's airwaves for 24 whole hours, she doesn't use that period of free breathing to better effect.  Like, to take a long walk at speeds above 1 MPH.  Or visit a gym.  Or revisit her Blame Shortness Of Breath On Some Disease Other Than Morbid Obesity plan. Because from this ad, I don't even get WHY this woman wants to breathe easier.  I don't see anything going on in her life that requires a whole lot of oxygen.

God of War: Pretension

Yep, it takes a high level of....umm..."Maturity"...to really get into this type of video game.

Meanwhile, the people who make these commercials must be failed Hollywood directors.  Poor Ed Wood, he was just born fifty years too early, I guess.

Silver Lining:  The dateless geeks who enjoy wasting their lives on this junk aren't crowding up the beltway during rush hour or standing in line ahead of me at the checkout counter.

Cloud: They are probably putting a bigger strain on the Power Grid than the average three Non-"Gamers."

Another Silver Lining:  Sooner or later, the springs on the couch have to give way under the strain of the expanding waistlines of the brain-dead twerps who are at Wal Mart five minutes after this game has been released.    I wish I could be there when that happens- and ONLY when that happens.