Cute couple skating along on the ice- except, not really: More like girl gracefully skating, while sweet boyfriend with sensitive soul and huge heart who Wants Only To Make Her Happy stumbles, falls, gets up, and grasps a tree branch for support. Oh, how insulin shock-inducing adorable is this? And did I mention that it's all done to the tune of "I Got You Babe?" (Not the Sonny and Cher version- no ad agency EVER uses the original version of any song, after all. In this case, we'll be thankful for small favors.)
Having had enough of this skate-your-way-into-the-sack shit, clumsy doofus guy pulls out a box and hands her the only thing any girl really wants, after all- a piece of rock dug out of the ground by some starving kid in South Africa.
"Now more than ever, you are each other's greatest strength" the disembodied voice-over intones, as we watch the graceful recipient of a shiny stone hug/hold up clumsy, Finally Going to Get Some boyfriend. "The strength of love, forged in a knot."
"Now more than ever.." does the narrator mean "now that you can cross off 'skating' as an activity you enjoy doing together, leaving 'watching tv' and 'having sex' as the only two left?" It sure doesn't mean "during these trying economic times," because seriously, what is it about 10% unemployment that makes this a good time to invest in ancient coal?
"The strength of love, forged in a knot." How about "a shiny stone, surrounded by glittery metal?" Ok, not quite as catchy. And my substitution doesn't really echo the De Beers message: "If he really loved you, he'd buy you the most useless, pointless, showy thing he could find, instead of fucking around pretending to enjoy skating just to get you to put out, already."
And just think, it's not even quite Thanksgiving yet. Almost three full months left before Valentine's Day and the end of the If You Really Cared, You'd Buy Her a Ring, Broach, or Necklace, you Cheap Asshole Annual Nag A Thon. As no summer is warm enough to prevent the coming of autumn, no economy is bad enough to cancel the Stupid Season.