Sunday, January 17, 2010

Loathsome People, Unsupportable Claims

1. Gigantic weird geek doofus tell us that Windows 7 was "his idea." His proof? Well, turns out he was standing in the shower one day (wearing his glasses, because if he takes them off in the shower like every single person on the planet who wears glasses does, we might forget for a moment that he's a weird geek doofus) suddenly gets a brainstorm- "Make It Simpler."

Wow, what a brilliant "idea." Make it simpler. How does Microsoft go about "making it simpler?" Doesn't say. Seems he's the idea guy, not the application guy. After all, you can't expect too much from a guy smart enough to come up with the brilliant plan to "make Windows simpler" but not smart enough to take his damned glasses off while in the shower.

To ratchet up the Geek factor, the guy's wife tells us "he called his mom." To ratchet up the Weird factor, the guy's wife is roughly one-third the geek's height. I mean, what the hell? Did this guy's ego pierce his pituitary gland? Is his commercial "co-star" three feet tall?

2. Here's a fat, middle-aged choad who tells us that no, actually, Windows 7 was his idea. Proof? Well, he suddenly had this brainstorm that this laptop (the one he's carrying) really ought to work with this laptop (the one sitting on his kitchen table) which also ought to work with this laptop (the one being used by a kid I take as his son, who is sitting in a sunken living room in front of a 60-inch plasma tv.) "I don't want to brag" he tells us, "but hey, it's my house!"

Jesus, it's not enough that you can afford a palatial suburban estate, complete with at least three brand-new laptops and a tv bigger than the one at my neighborhood multiplex, you've got to claim to be the inventor of Windows 7, too?

Let's cut to the chase, shall we? "Make it simpler" is not really a patentable concept. Neither is "make it work with other technology." And if "I'm giving myself credit for something I didn't do" is patentable, it's been done already, many, many times over.

"I'm a PC, and Windows 7 was my idea." Good luck with that. I notice you don't claim that these commercials were your idea. And I don't blame you. Because they are really stupid.

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