Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Chemistry.com- I mean, How hard can this be?

The guy on the latest Chemistry.com commercial really cracks me up with his matter-of-fact dismissive tone toward the "competing" blind date (excuse me, "life partner-finding") websites.

"This site guaranteed that they'd help me find my soul mate. But if they were so sure, why'd they insist that I sign up for a whole year?"

Jesus, great point, buddy. Because we aren't talking about investment sites or fantasy baseball here. It's just paying someone to find the person you should plan on spending the rest of your natural life with. It's not rocket science- why should it potentially take an entire YEAR?

Come to think of it, what's with these monthly fees? If these sites are so great, why should it take them an entire MONTH to hook you up with the woman of your dreams? I can get a latte at Starbucks in (slightly) less time than that! I mean, you GIVE them your weight, height, and a page or so of personal information- why doesn't the name of the girl you are going to be sharing your life with just pop up as soon as you submit it? Rip off artists!!

This guy is just too much. But maybe I can help him out here: Maybe the other match sites realize that people who have given up hope finding someone by conventional means- you know, through family, friends, work, school, stalk-- um, school-- might require a FEW hits and misses over several months before they find someone willing to be with them more than once or twice (even if the pool of people being culled for you is made up of hopeless, socially disfunctional twits who have also decided that they'd rather let a computer program throw them together with someone than risk dying alone.) Just a thought.

And here's one more- how pathetic is this guy, who is willing to spend money to let strangers match him up with other losers, but not too much money over a period of time? "Sure, I'm willing to spend twenty dollars to find my dream girl in the next month- but $240 over the next year? No way."

As someone who decided quite some time ago that he'd rather die alone than submit to E-Harmony, Match.com, or any of the other soulless "dating sites" which specialize primarily in separating sad people from their money, I guess I should have a bit more empathy for this guy. Except that, in the end, he does sign up with Chemistry.com. So he's not just a loser- he's an impatient, cheap loser.

What a great catch- I can't believe he's still out there!

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