Friday, May 4, 2018

Bullymake Box? BarkBox? Give me a break.

Look, I know that there are people out there who like dogs, even "love" them, for reasons I will never, ever understand and probably don't even want to.  And I appreciate that if those people care deeply for the little mammals they share a home with and take walks with and pick up the filth of and allow to monopolize the sidewalk and are constantly telling pedestrians like me things like "he's just being friendly" and "don't worry he doesn't bite" etc. etc. want to make sure that little mammal that does wonderful things like eat and walk and lie around and drop feces everywhere is as healthy as possible for as long as possible.

And I'm not going to go into a long lecture about how this barkbox or bitebox or whatever the hell this is is just another nail in the coffin for brick-and-mortar stores, because that's a lost cause and lazy point-and-clickers clearly don't give a damn that with every click they are helping to undermine the economy.  That kid who hoped to work at a pet supply store this summer?  Sorry, kid.  Go to Plan B (and I hope Plan B wasn't working at Staples.)

But seriously, if I ever found myself talking about ANYTHING in the giddy, lobotomized squeal that this narrator uses in explaining how this "service" provides endless boxes of fricking chew toys to pollute your house and neighborhood with, I'm willing to be put away and for my family to visit me every other weekend.  Because for cripes sakes people, they're dogs!

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