Tuesday, May 1, 2018

In the uncut version of this Zillow ad, Daddy shows his son where he buried the Jehovah's Witnesses

So the scruffy Gen-Xer in this ad obsesses over his boyhood home while his wife regularly asks if it happens to be on sale- either this family is never going to buy a house unless this particular one goes on sale, or they are so damned rich they can just jump on this house the moment it goes on the market and move there.  Literally ten seconds after the damn thing finally does get listed- for $450,000, convincing me this palatial estate must be in the middle of nowhere, tough luck kid- the couple is totally into buying it.

Turns out the guy buried a time capsule on the property- a time capsule consisting of some knick knacks and including what's probably a very valuable set of baseball cards and a photo of himself and his father.  This stuff was put into a dented box and not wrapped in plastic but it's not ruined by water or anything Because Television.  Personally I think that the ad would have ended much better if when he opened the box it contained nothing but a lump of moldy paper that used to be rare baseball cards and an irreplaceable photo, but that's because I'm a jerk.

"Told you I grew up here" says the Dad, which is kind of weird unless this was a bone of contention with Son.  It sure wasn't a problem for Mom, who was perfectly willing- even eager- to move to an old house in the middle of Iowa because Dad Wants This House.  Maybe Son just wanted to stay in his old neighborhood, which was actually a neighborhood with neighbors that weren't corn stalks, and refused to believe that he was really being forced to uproot and move to Nowhere, Nebraska Population 0 Until You Show Up because Dad wanted to relive his childhood?

This is all super-heartwarming according to the YouTube gluesniffers, who are tearing up when they aren't asking what the twee music in the background is.  I suspect that they are like 99 percent of thumbs-up YouTube commenters, which is to say, paid whores for the company being advertised.  I sure hope so, anyway.  Because if you really get a lump in your throat from this banal, manipulative nonsense you are beyond sad.


  1. Great. An ad for people who thought that it was super-fab and groovy that Michael Patterson took over Casa Foob instead of making a break from his past like a man is supposed to.

  2. I wish I had thought to include a FBOFW reference. Thanks!