Saturday, January 4, 2020
Verizon Commercial, Part II: Why they Fight (um, I mean, Chose Verizon)
Ok, so I'm going to skip the middle part of this commercial, because it seems to somehow suggest that having Verizon made it easier or possible or something to get great concert seats yadda yadda yadda whatever. Instead, let's go to the "military mom" and her ridiculous bowl of treacle:
"It's so important to me that Verizon supports military families. When I have a child deployed it's so important that we have a reliable network."
Um, what? Ok, I'm going to assume that Verizon is playing a little Lying by Omission game going on here and we are supposed to hear "deployed" and think Afghanistan or Iraq. Except- really? Soldiers in war zones are carrying around cell phones and can take calls from the States any time they want? No, I really don't think so. So let me clean up Military Mom's pitch so that it at least passes the smell test, even if it doesn't hit all those cheap Patriot buttons like it's supposed to:
"So when I have a child who's been deployed in Germany, or Japan, or Guam, or any other scary Hotbed of Anti-American Freedom Activity because spending hundreds of billions of dollars a year to maintain a massively bloated, ridiculously unnecessary but vastly profitable for Certain Companies Military Industrial Complex, it's good to know that I can video chat with them from the War Zone that is Any Place Other Than The United States."
"I have all these grey hairs because my Hero Patriot Daughter keeps getting sent to places with weird non-American names like 'Poland' and 'Samoa' (sticking "American" in front of that name doesn't fool me, that's not in the USA I found it on a map!) which means she keeps getting sent to places where the Time Zones are totally different and a lot of people haven't even learned how to speak English as G-d Intended. No matter where she's sent they speak Foreign Languages, I can hear them in the background during the video chats when she calls from a cave she pronounces "cafay" to make me feel like she's safe."
"Military Moms Serve Too." Yep, and you're in about the same level of danger that 99.9 percent of the military that's allowed to casually video chat back home is, so seriously Verizon shove this manipulative garbage.