Friday, January 3, 2020

Why They Chose Verizon, Part I*

"So here's why I chose Verizon- I was in this flash flood, see, and I ignored all the 'Road Closed' signs- I didn't actually ignore them, I just didn't see them, didn't really know they were there until I watched the video I made on my phone when I was supposed to be watching the road but I was thinking 'man this is gonna go viral when I put it up on YouTube gonna get some serious hits with this."

"Anyway, my car ended up gettin' swept down the river.  I managed to get me and my phone (not necessarily in that order) out on to a branch, where I was in imminent danger of drowning if that branch cracked under my weight, plus that would have totally ruined my phone.  So then I did what any sensible person woulda done under the circumstances, I videochatted with my wife to let her know how amazing this all was an' also to let her know I was ok."

"After about twenty minutes she told me to stop yakking about how awesome everything looked and how this was all going to totally go viral and call emergency services.  Fortunately I had a magic phone which never runs out of battery power, 'cause I was able to make five calls to emergency services even after spending hours recording all this carnage, videochattin' with the wife, and changin' my Facebook status to In God's Hands Y'all LOL!"

"Come ta think of it, that phone ought to be the subject of this commercial...."

"Anyways, a helicopter finally showed up and saved me, wish I could show you but even magic phones run out of battery life eventually and wouldn't you know it I left the damn Jackery in the glove compartment.  What was I sayin'? Oh yeah, that's why I got Verizon, 'cause...I had a phone so I didn't get bored out there on that branch durin' the flood."

*I'll check out the other two chapters in this commercial and get to them for separate takes if they seem worth it.....

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