Friday, May 8, 2020

Grubhub's Lame Guilt Trip



"Restaurants.....are our family."

Whose family?  Grubhub's?  If that's what this commercial is saying, don't you actually mean "Reason we Exist" or "Way we make money?"  If by "our" you mean "America's," well....that's a problem, too.  When I visit a family member and have a meal, I'm not expected to pay for it.  When I make something for a family member, I don't hand them a bill or expect a tip.  Because, you know, Family.  How the hell is any business my "family?"

"...and our family needs help."  Again with the vague language.  I can totally understand if Grubhub sees Restaurants as their family they would say their family needs help- restaurants are in trouble, which means Grubhub is in trouble.  Grubhub can't deliver for family members- errr, restaurants- that are out of business.  And if restaurants are "the cornerstones of our communities" (at this point, I've given up trying to figure out who the "our" is) well, it's totally bad that they need help. 

"Right now they're facing a crisis, and they're counting on your takeout and delivery orders to help them through."  Ok now, we've cut to the chase.  Restaurants are suffering from dramatic losses in revenue due to the Stay at Home orders and the mandated closing of dining rooms.  To survive financially, they really, really need for us to keep "eating out" by ordering takeout and delivery food.  Oh by the way it sure would help if we used Grubhub too, btw- because Restaurants are Family, and Grubhub is the way we can kind of enjoy our Family without having to visit it, which actually does sound kind of attractive.

So the bottom line:  Grubhub wants to remind us that we have Family Responsibilities that don't end just because we can't go out to eat.  Sorry, but we don't get to use the Social Distancing excuse to avoid visiting our Families, because our Families still need our money, just like Always.  If anything, we should be spending more of our money on those Family members who make food in exchange for our money.  And it just makes it extra-special-family time if we employ Grubhub to transfer all that Togetherness that Looks a Lot like Food from them to us. 

Oh, by the way?  Doesn't really matter that most of us aren't making extra money just because we can't visit our Families.  Doesn't matter that many of us are actually hurting financially right now.  Pick up that phone, go online, do whatever you need to do to Stay in Touch with your Family and arrange to give them some money, because they are really Hurting right now.  Just do it.   You have to.  IT'S FAMILY!

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