Thursday, October 29, 2020

Lily, AT&T, and Trump-level Contempt for all of us

"Hi, I'm Lily, a spokeschoad whose job depends on pitching AT&T products to the slobbering masses.  What can I do for you?"

"Hi Lily, I'm an idiot consumer talking to you on a Zoom call because I guess that's how things get done these days.  Because I'm an idiot, I'm going to ask you, a person whose paycheck depends on my opening my wallet and let your company suck out its contents, if I should be getting excited about a product you want me to be excited about.  Should I be excited about 5G?"

"Hi idiot customer.  Here's my answer- are you a loser?"

"No, I'm not a loser.  I just act like one on AT&T commercials."

"Ok, idiot customer- then the answer is yes.  You should be getting VERY excited about 5G, because we want you to be excited about it, and give us your money.  What's your next stupid question, idiot?"

"Sorry- I had to blink for a minute, and wipe the drool from my mouth.  Should I run to AT&T right now and buy this thing you're selling?"

"Wow, you really are stupid.  Why are we even still on this call?  Why aren't you already on your way to the store?  Don't forget your wallet, stupid."

"Wait...that was mean.  You shouldn't be rude....what were we talking about again?"

"Sourdough bread.  Because 16 seconds into this 42-second commercial, we're all done talking about this 'service' we're selling.  Get moving, Drooling Sheep."  

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