Monday, October 19, 2020

Walmart's "Helpful" Keep Moving Tips

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How to control your blood pressure:

1.  Get more exercise.  For example, you could mop that floor faster, so you can get back to stocking shelves.  You could step up your walking pace, perhaps by ambushing more customers and guiding them to the cheap junk on those freshly-stocked shelves.  

2.  Smile more.  Get that look off  your face that just screams "I want to die" as you ring up your customers.  When you greet customers, don't tell them with your expression that you had no idea how very small those Social Security payments actually would be and how you'd rather be anywhere else but at the front entrance of your local Walmart.

3.  Stop thinking about how much your blood pressure medication costs, because that's not your employer's problem.  You should be grateful he even Gave You A JobTM.  After all, Times are ToughTM.  And when you go to vote next month, remember that Raising the Minimum Wage Causes Unemployment to RiseTM.  

4.  No, scheduling you for regular, consistent hours would NOT help your blood pressure issues.  That's a myth.

5.  No, paying you a living wage would NOT help your blood pressure issues.  Again, myth. 

1 comment:

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