"Know how every time you eat or drink or socialize outside, you and all your guests are ridiculous slobs who just leave cups and forks and plates and bowl and cheez-its and napkins everywhere because nobody knows how to behave like a civilized human being and use a trash can anymore? Well, now there's the Trivac Worx Vacuum Cleaner System to solve all your Completely Relatable Cleanup Problems!"
Here, let me just turn it on and show you how
EASY IT IS TO DO A QUICK CLEAN-UP AT POOLSIDE, ALL AROUND YOUR LAWN, YOUR DRIVEWAY, ANYWHERE YOU ENTERTAIN!! AND DON'T FORGET THE REC ROOM, HUBBY'S MAN CAVE, EVERYWHERE THERE'S A MESS!"
"NO NOT LES, MESS! EVERYWHERE THERE'S A MESS! SEE HOW MUCH EASIER IT IS TO CLEAN?"
"WHAT? WHO'S BEING MEAN?"
"NOT MEAN, CLEAN! I SAID CLEAN! THIS MAKES IT SO MUCH EASIER TO CLEAN! JUST ONE PUSH OF THE BUTTON AND YOU'RE JOB IS DONE!"
"WHAT? WHO WON?"
And it takes up very little space; just store it next to your snowblower and leafblower. For an extra $19.99 we'll include military-grade noise-cancellation headsets. Buy a pair for everyone in your family. As for the people who live on your street...well, that's just another problem this amazing product solves: Too-friendly neighbors. Trust me- a couple of weekends of using this baby, and they'll never talk to you again.