Saturday, February 6, 2021

Does the tour at least end with drinks in the Green Room?


Or "This is Where the Magic Happens, using the word Magic very, very loosely." 

1. If you're pumped about being given a tour of a freaking stock brokerage, your life is over and you ought to just start preparing for the funeral.  Come to think of it, a tour of a mortuary must be at least one hundred percent more interesting. 

2.  If you find yourself calling the people who "helped roll over your 401(k)" and who "helped set up your account" (is that what she said?  I don't care what she said.  I'm not watching this again) by their first names, you desperately need to go out and make some friends, because it's clear that no one is going to show up at your funeral. 

3.  When they get to the end of the hallway, is Mr. Mousse going to show her the bathroom or the breakroom?  Because seriously, except for the fictional place mentioned in the title of this post, what else is there to a brokerage besides people looking at computer screens and taking phone calls?  I imagine that this woman is a High School teacher who is about to be divested of the notion that TD Ameritrade might be a cool place to bring her kids on a field trip.  It's a freaking brokerage, lady.  It's not even the floor of the NYSE.  I mean, THAT might be a cool place to hang out for an hour or so, if you're so fascinated with numbers.  What did you think you were going to get out of this "tour," anyway?

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