I mean, let's be honest. The "I can do anything better than you" is coming from the computer and the Artificial Intelligence it comes pre-loaded with. The humans? They are just there to carry the brains of the outfit from place to place for some reason.
*The laptop can also handle the student debt better than any of you, but it doesn't have to. Hope your boss lets you hide behind the capabilities of AI until you get at least SOME of that paid off.
Meanwhile...man, this guy is getting old. Remember when he could play big, imposing guys? I know he's had health problems, but this is not the way I need to be reminded.
No, this isn't fun. This is...sad, actually. I mean, it's not "check out me and my buddies having fun gambling on our phones" sad. But still...sad.
Last Sunday I walked into my local T-Mobile to complete the switch away from a family plan and to my own 55+ plan for which I will be paying $55 per month. While there, I asked about a possible upgrade for my old Samsung Galaxy +9, which has a broken charging port and which can no longer accept newer apps (and the old ones- like Capital One, and MLB, are dropping off my phone like flies when THEY need to update.)
I was "offered" two choices- either $250 toward a trade-in for a $1300 Galaxy 25, or a "free" Galaxy 25 when I signed a three-year contract at $90 per month. Doing some quick math, that means that the "offer" was to make 36 Easy Payments of $35 each- a total of $1230. I politely (as possible) declined and walked out with my new plan and my old phone. Currently looking for a refurbished Galaxy 25, which should be available for between $400-$600. In the meantime, the wireless charger is working fine.
Yes, this announcement is ALMOST nothing. Except, not quite, because smoke and mirrors and lying by omission isn't exactly Nothing.
So...I will have to read between the lines. Because the audio is terrible, and the acting is worse.
It seems to me that this guy was enjoying a weekend away with his developmentally disabled daughters when an insane coworker suddenly blasted up driving a stolen Hyundai. No wait- she didn't "steal" the car. She just got so thoroughly conned by the salesperson that she thinks she got something over on him and snagged a great deal. And then she had to run off and tell someone about it.
I mean, these two are not together. That would make zero sense. If they are a couple, why weren't they at the dealership together? Why is he off doing something with his kids without her, and why is she making a major purchase with no input from her partner? Why is she talking about buying a new car like she got a free upgrade on her iPhone?
Anyway, she feels like she has to whisper the amount she paid, which is so insanely small that it "feels wrong." What number does she whisper? The total amount? Doubtful. The "low" monthly payment that is "low" because it's spread out over 84 months? Much more likely.
This guy is so aroused at the idea of getting this deal that he abandons his daughters to the care of the insane woman and drives off to get his OWN Hyundai. Because buying a car these days is like taking advantage of a 2-for-$5 deal at Taco Bell. If you're one of these weird tv people.
Maybe this ad makes sense with better audio, but I really doubt it.
The guy in this video bought almost exactly the same car I did in March, 2025- A 2011 Honda Civic with a cracked windshield. Only difference is that mine is a Coupe. Also, in my area a dealership can't sell a car that doesn't pass state inspection, and a car with a cracked windshield doesn't pass inspection, so I had to wait until the windshield was replaced (at their expense) before I could drive off. Does ANY state motor vehicle department allow dealerships to sell cars that won't pass inspection?
This guy paid a lot less for his car than I did for mine, but my odometer was (is) really low and I'm not told how many miles were on HIS Honda. Mine doesn't make weird noises and the AC works fine and- again- the windshield was brand new. 18 months after purchase, I don't need new brake pads either.
(That unfixed crack in the windshield continues to bother me. In my state, a police officer will eventually pull you over and cite you for that. You can't just "ignore" a cracked windshield.)
Because this is the United States, a person faced with a $2000 repair bill v. four years of $340 a month for a new car is an easy choice- the new car. Because I think I'm a Stranger in a Strange Land, I pay the repair bill and keep my old Honda for another several years. It's a no brainer- which ought to make it obvious even to Americans.
This guy did three dumb things. The first one was not getting that cracked windshield replaced, which certainly would have resulted in a fine. The second was buying Pria a car. She's smoking hot, but jeesh. Let her buy her own car. The third was paying off his younger brother's car. Why would anyone do this? What does kid brother's debts have to do with him? That's money that could be going into investments. Kid brother is going to pay this guy back by just getting into debt again. Probably by signing up for a new car.
Overall, this guy is really smart, besides having a girlfriend who was probably way too good for him when the relationship started (did anyone else think that he was going to end up with that other girl he met at the elevator?) He made some odd missteps, but everyone does. I'd take his advice.
I don't have a car fund. I have an emergency fund that will become a vacation fund assuming that there's no emergency. If it's up to me, the car I currently own will be the last one I EVER own, because once it's paid off- in three months, more than 2 years in advance- I will NOT miss making those payments.)
First, the son calls his mom to warn her that he's been diagnosed with COVID, which means he exposed her to the disease on his last visit. Fair enough- that's exactly what he should do.
But then, two almost laughable dumb things happen: Mom abruptly interrupts to announce that she's calling her doctor RIGHT NOW instead of, you know, thanking her kid for warning her, telling him that she'll make an appointment immediately, and asking him to call him back (or maybe NOT acting like she just severed an artery and having a conversation for a few minutes before organically ending the call and then calling the doctor. I mean, come on.) Then, son TELLS his mother to ask her doctor about Xocova and stays on the line as she talks to the guy who actually went through medical school and maybe actually keeps up with the latest treatments even more than this obnoxious kid does.
Mom dutifully parrots whatever son says to the doctor, and at this point I wonder why she just doesn't have son talk to the doctor directly. No sooner does she get reassurance that son's Will Shall Be Done than she turns the phone over to dad- or dad uses his own phone, this is getting dumber by the second- and gets HIS marching orders from Son to demand a particular drug that I guess Son knows everything there is to know about which makes me wonder why the kid isn't his parents' official doctor.
So I guess the urgency comes from the fact that Xocova is only effective if it's used within three days or so of first infection- ok, but still. A few minutes was not going to make a difference. I'm much more disturbed (and amused) by the son's total control over his parents' drug regimen. Wouldn't it have made a lot more sense for the son to say something like "please call your doctor right away, tell him you've been exposed to COVID, and ask about treatments? I heard that there's this new drug out there that can be effective if taken soon after exposure, it's called Xocava." You know, instead of acting like HE'S prescribing Xocava and is just using the doctor as an annoyingly necessary middleman?
What's the truly horrifying thing about this and all Quick Payday Loan ads? Is it
A) That the people in them are so economically unstable that they feel the need to open an app and borrow money at absolutely horrific interest because they are incapable of budgeting? Or
B) Are so thrilled at the Non-Solution that is Payday Loans that they actually start dancing (in every commercial. They ALWAYS dance) at the "good news" that they've successfully taken on another debt that in reality will just be another headache added on to the mountain of stress they seem determined to die on?
It's very simple- if you can't afford to attend a wedding, just say you can't attend the wedding. It's a win-win- you get to keep your money, AND you get to avoid going to a wedding. With my sage wisdom I've saved you from a lost weekend and debt regret.
Or you can go to DebtHappens.com or Dave.com or whatever the hell this is I don't even want to check again and grab a scummy payday loan at an insane interest rate so you can continue to live in denial and show well for your idiot friends, one of which thinks its perfectly ok to make her guests spend serious money to help her "celebrate" her "perfect day." Gag.
So I guess the idea is that Xfinity is so reliable that it will continue to function even after the fall of civilization at the hands of the zombie hordes...or that the zombie hordes are so dedicated to remaining addicted to their stupid phones, they'll work to keep 5G up and running as they devastate everything else on the planet?
This guy is trying to escape zombies but when offered a choice between having whatever is left of his brains being eaten by the zombie apocalypse and having to endure a train ride without engaging in brain rot with his phone...he makes sure he can download a movie before jumping on that train. Because nothing, NOTHING is going to force him to be alone with his thoughts for a few hours.
Seriously, dude. Just let the other zombies have your brain. You aren't using it.
"Not a problem- look, I can push a button on my key fob and my Hyundai will just roll right out to me. I don't need to be able to squeeze in."
Me: "Um, that's not what I meant by 'good luck with that.' I meant that you bought a brand-new Hyundai which is already worth 20 percent less than what you paid, and which you are certainly overpaying for anyway, probably over four or five years, too. Good luck with the payments, not to mention the maintenance bills. These things are notoriously unreliable."
"Shut up, that's why! Watch, it parks itself too!"
Jeep is "America's most patriotic automobile brand" despite being owned by an Italian car company better known for producing buggy, unreliable junk since the 1990s.
But I can see how Jeep and Patriotism still go together. Being Patriotic has always been about sacrifice. During World Wars I and II, Americans were asked to limit their consumption of meat, grow their own food in Victory Gardens, recycle grease, tin cans and paper, and take that vacation fund and use it to buy War Bonds instead.
During World War II sugar was highly rationed and good luck trying to buy a new set of tires for the family car (which you were NOT going to be taking for Sunday drives until the Nazis were put down once and for all.) You were supposed to carpool and even the ladies were expected to Do Their Part in the munitions factories. Again- it was all about Sacrifice.
Well, buying a Jeep certainly allows the modern generation to share that sense of sacrifice. When you buy a Jeep, you'll be sacrificing a large chunk of your paycheck to the local mechanic. You'll be sacrificing hours of your life to sitting in that mechanic's waiting room, hoping this time the drain on your wallet is only MILDLY Patriotic (you need a new battery) rather than Uber, Huge Flag-Waving Patriotic (you need a new transmission on your Stellantis Crapbox despite the fact that it's still under 50,000 on the odometer.)
If you're really lucky, the Jeep won't force you to experience some of that Patriotism when you're trying to get your child, who has just lost three fingers having fun with the Almost As Patriotic Firework Pack included, to the emergency room. Maybe this time it WON'T Patriotically conk out on the highway while she's keeping pressure on the stump to keep from bleeding to death. If it doesn't, well, you'll have plenty of time to demonstrate your sense of Patriotism later- maybe by flying a huge American flag from the truck bed as you drive through a shallow creek, or something. You can pretend you're hitting the beach at Normandy to ramp up the Patriotism Factor as your child provides the blood to bring the experience to life.
So a slim woman walks up to a morbidly obese woman like a freaking drug dealer and starts blathering about- a fitness program? A diet? Ozempic? Naw- she's here to pitch a stupid app that encourages you to spend hours sitting on your butt playing a brain-rotting game, ostensibly by promising to pay you to play it. Then we see that the pitch is successful- the morbidly obese woman, instead of going to the gym or taking a walk is spending an evening sitting in a dark room staring at a phone playing some Candy Crush knock-off, a game "she already enjoyed playing." The difference is that now she's being encouraged to be sedentary by the promise of a few pennies of Amazon credit she can use to buy- is that a Fitness watch? How ironic would THAT be?
*Not the unicorn passing the window of the doctor's office as if that office is in a suburban home or something. I mean, seriously, what the hell? No, I'm referring to the "people" in this ad, who talk and act exactly as if they were generated by some low-cost Artificial Intelligence provider.
For example, what doctor would say something like "I've got good news" like a freaking robot reciting a script, especially when referring to a new drug he's prescribing?
"I've got good news."
"Oh, my condition is no big deal and will clear up with an improvement in my diet and time?"
"Um, no. The good news is that I'm prescribing a brand new drug that just hit the market and which I can't possibly have any real data on concerning it's success rate on patients with your symptoms."
"So the good news is....that it's covered by my insurance?"
"Well, yes. If it wasn't covered by your insurance, I wouldn't be prescribing it."
The unicorn passing by the window? That's not a symptom. That's the drug that is both beneficial and covered by insurance. You know- the ultimate Unicorn.
Seems simple enough- just switch from your current carrier to T-Mobile and the people at T-Mobile will be so thrilled to get your $50 a month that they'll GIVE you a thousand-dollar iPhone ("on us," as they put it.) What's not to like? Better take advantage of the deal before T-Mobile wakes up and realizes that they are paying a very high price just to add a new customer and it will literally take YEARS for them to break even on the deal, if you even stay with them that long....
Oh, wait. The phone is a basic 17, and you can get UP TO $830 in CREDITS when you sign up, AFTER you pay the sales tax on the full retail value of the phone....and the credits will come with each phone bill, locking you into your contract with T-Mobile, as if you cancel before the phone is paid off (yeah, by now I hope you've figured out that you aren't actually getting a free phone, just a phone on a monthly installment plan) you'll be handed a bill for the balance...and let's not forget the $35 connection charge, $35 being a number decided in a boardroom that has absolutely NOTHING to do with the actual cost of "connecting" you to T-Mobile's service (that actual cost is, coincidentally, NOTHING.)
In short, get a stripped-down phone at a discount which goes up in proportion to the number of bells and whistles you add to your service. This is a pretty blatant bait-and-switch that probably sounds good to Stupid People but really ought to be obvious to anyone who has ever seen the inside of a High School.
Let's get one thing straight- no company is giving anything away, ever. That's not how Capitalism works- hell, it's not how Economics works. If T-Mobile is ready to hand me an iPhone, T-Mobile has figured out how to get me to pay for it in a way that makes me look like I'm getting something for nothing. Except that I don't buy Apple products so I'm not playing- plus, I've seen the inside of a High School.
I won't take supplement advice from Doug Flutie or Frank Thomas. I'm certainly not taking supplement advice from a guy who thinks that the tidal schedule is some kind of Unsolved Mystery. But I absolutely believe that O'Reilly is giving actual personal testimony here and not just picking up a quick buck as a pitchman. O'Reilly's brain is in a permanently relaxed state.
Here at Berlin City Toyota of Portland (wow, couldn't fit a few more words into that title?) there's never been a better time to sign up for multiple years of debt to drive a truck you don't need to impress people you don't know while spending money you don't have!
Come in today with thousands of dollars down (why not borrow it? It's America 2026, so no one will even blink at the prospect of borrowing a down payment!) and sign on the dotted line, locking yourself into a contract of six, seven or even EIGHT YEARS of payments on a truck that will be worth roughly 20 percent less than you paid the moment you drive it off the lot. A truck that will NEVER be used for ANY of the things we show it being used for in the ad because you will desperately try to keep it looking new for as long as possible to mask the intense regret you feel for this stupid impulse buy!
Do it NOW, because these things are flying off the showroom floor, honest! It's not that we are desperate to clear them out before the 2027 models arrive just after Labor Day, making these look like old garbage to your neighbors! Never mind that waiting six months and buying last year's version of exactly the same truck will save you thousands in depreciation! SIGN UP FOR DEBT NOW because
it's what the salesperson working on commission desperately needs from you the smart thing to do!
(Although I must say, I feel kind of weird even commenting on one of these ads. I mean, it's for a company that proudly calls itself "gas station pizza." That's about as self-effacing and ghetto as you can get.)
(Also, sorry about the extra step required to view the ad. There are other RaceTrac ads I AM allowed to link to directly, but not this one. I'll probably revisit this company in the future, though. These ads are pretty funny.)
1. The woman in this ad flies awkwardly to RaceTrac to get pizza, I guess- and we see her levitate over to the Standard Mostly-Water-Advertised-as-Soda Fountain to get a cup of ice and water and a little soda. But when she gets to the register, she's got pizza and two bottles of Coke and no fountain drink in sight. Check the cameras, RaceTrac. This woman guzzled a fountain drink and tossed the cup without paying for it. Maybe that explains the weird look on her face; it certainly suggests to me that she's trying to convince the clerk that she's NOT trying to get away with something.
2. If you find yourself happily sitting in the front seat of your car devouring a gas station pizza by yourself, your life has taken a sad, dark turn and I promise you it's not too late to change direction and get it together. Life is too short to be like this, buddy. It's going to be even shorter if you keep consuming RaceTrac (or any other gas station) pizza.
The way that this ad is filmed, it looks as though the guy in it does absolutely nothing except stare at his phone and gamble. Except when he takes breaks to call the "unsurpassed Customer Support" with a smile on his face- as if anyone has ever called Customer Support while smiling. Please.
All of this just strikes me as being really, really sad. This guy looks to be in his late-20s; in other words, in the very prime of life. And he seems to be spending it risking his money with a stupid sports gambling app (in other words, a gambling app.) Maybe this would make sense if it showed a guy my age or older retired, lonely, and/or bored. But this guy has the best years of his life ahead of him- also, the best years of his EARNING potential ahead of him. Why is he spending so much time grinning like a lobotomized idiot at odds, parlays, whatever the hell this crap is offering him?
Let's just arrange the funeral before this guy starts to stink.
You see, it's funny because Catholics are required to go to confession every so often and the priest who hears this confession decides to go ahead and indulge in the same "sin" that Good Catholic confessed...yeah, no kidding, that's the entire joke.
If I had a nickel for every time the Catholic Confession Ritual was played for laughs on commercials, in movies, sitcoms etc. I'd be really, really wealthy. I've never understood why this particular sacrament is considered in the Public Domain when we pretty much NEVER see any other religious practices mocked or evenly politely commented on, but I know it predates the unfortunate scandals concerning the church that have dominated the headlines for the past fifty years or so.
In this ad, Hyundai continues the stupid bit of pretending that it's deals during their Seasonal Sales Event are so good, you really might feel like you did something wrong by participating in it. Let me set my audience straight on this: If you drive off the lot in a new car worried that a mistake was made and you got away with something, that means only one thing- the salesman did an excellent job convincing you that he was doing you a huge favor while he was picking your pocket. It is the dream of every car salesman to have a customer convinced that if he doesn't sign on the dotted line right now the SALESMAN will change his mind and refuse to sell. All those car ads that show people dashing off to the showrooms to claim cars "before they are all gone" like they are rushing to grab the last seat on the Titanic's last lifeboat- please.
The woman in the Confessional has nothing to Confess. The priest probably does, though whatever it is probably has nothing to do with his coveting of a freaking Hyundai. The only obvious guilty party is the scumbag sales person who is convincing people that they are getting Steals on overpriced Not-Toyotas, making them feel so badly about "cheating" their Hyundai Dealership that they feel the need to go to Confession. That guy should be ashamed, but he's too busy depositing his commission at the moment.
Unless flesh-eating monsters are going to break down the door and devour these two morons (what I would call "a happy ending") their behavior throughout this commercial is the most preposterous slop I think I've ever seen, and I've seen a LOT of preposterous slop coming out of the advertising world over the past five decades or so....
Seriously, these people act as if some horrific disaster will come down on their heads if one of their babies wakes up, and that their babies will wake up if a penny falls on the carpet. They are living in a horrific dystopia- not only are they terrified of their children, but they are reduced to ordering vastly marked-up processed garbage "food" from McDonald's. I wish them speedy relief from the hellscape they are living in (preferably delivered by flesh-eating monsters.)
By the way, what does that guy pay for his delivery with? It almost looks like cash. I caught a glimpse of that stuff a few times last week, when I found myself stuck behind people who had inexplicably dropped in from the 1970s and were using it to buy donuts and fancy coffee and iced drinks and pretty much everything else when I was trying to get Iris her strawberry donut and myself my black coffee so I could get on with life. Is that a tip? What country was this filmed in? What is going on here?
