Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Get this kid out of my face, please

Here's a commercial where the Precocious Little Prick theme is brought to a whole new level.

This kid is too good for the Family's Lame-Mobile, and he knows it. As he struts around his suburban neighborhood his parents work to keep him in, wearing the faux-leather jacket his parents caved and bought him so they wouldn't look "lame" in his eyes for a few minutes, this insufferable little ass spits all over their efforts because gosh darn it they drive this REALLY Out-of-It car. I mean, don't you just hate parents who don't get that their kids have reps to keep up?

Anyway, this needs-to-be-beaten-and-I-mean-right-now knothead with blond curls finds a solution- to hang with "Mrs K," who isn't a blood relative but at least has a sweet ride worthy of this pathetic little snot. Someday, his own parental units might realize the damage they are doing to their insufferable little snot-spawn's social life by chauffeuring him around in something way beneath his standards, but until then, he'll be letting the next door neighbor do the honors.

Who does this ad appeal to? Pre-pubescent boys with $40 G's burning holes in their pockets? Parents who are deeply concerned that their children "don't approve" of their cars? Parents who, having given their children all the cell phones and video game systems and plasma HD televisions they've asked for STILL don't feel sufficiently "loved" by their little darlings, are more than willing to rush out and buy a new car if that will FINALLY convince their children to take "My Parents Suck" off their Facebook walls?

And here are two pieces of really bad news concerning this ad:

1. The kid in this ad has three names. Child actors with three names mean one thing: Mommy's Little Meal Ticket. This kid is being groomed for stuff beyond commercials. Get ready for The Riley Thomas Stewart Experience , coming soon to The Disney Channel.

2. This commercial is just one of a series. So if you thought the surly kids from the Kraft Mac 'N Cheese ads of this summer were obnoxious, wait till you see the spoiled little dicktards Highlander has lined up to sell us their latest gas-guzzling planet-destroyer. It's going to be a long, painful ride.


  1. Thank. You.

    I hate that snotnosed brat.

  2. Just out of curiosity, have you seen this one? I feel so sorry for this poor guy!


  3. I've been trying to find just the right Zooks ad to snark on; this is a great candidate, thanks!

    This guy is rejected because he's allergic to pets- much better to dismiss mom's suggestions and go with the creepy desperate weirdos who post fake bios online, huh? What a Brave New World we live in.

  4. Not only that, but the fact that she lets her pets climb all over him - no consideration at all. And this makes HIM a bad date?

    I wanted to throw a shoe at my tv when I saw that ad.

  5. Seems to me that this commercial would have been more effective from the GUY'S point of view- "I met what I thought was a nice woman through my mom, but it turned out that she had untrained pets who crawled all over me and caused me to suffer a massive allergic reaction. And to top it all off, SHE dumped ME over it!"

  6. There is another Highlander ad in which the over-privileged little snot has so humiliated and taunted a classmate that the kid is ashamed to be seen in his father's station wagon. Who cares if we are in the worst recession in decades, tons of people are out of work, and, at least, that station wagon is paid for? Wonder if the golden-haired hell-spawn stands outside of food banks and taunts the people patronizing them?

  7. Ok. I'm convinced there are mostly really bad TV commercials out there. Actually the're almost as bad as much of the regular programming. I did appreciate the post on the utter demise of the History Channel. When I tell my friends how little I watch TV they typically respond by saying..." but think of the good things like the history channel" And I reply " have you watched it lately." Sad

  8. troutbirder- that post really touched a nerve. I guess I'm not the only person out there who used to really like the History Channel- back when it focused on history and not American Pickers and Ice Road Truckers.