Saturday, December 11, 2010

In keeping with the Spirit of the Season

This is actually a pretty old commercial. GMC has been using some version of it for years, every holiday season, like clockwork.

The difference is that this year, it's narrated. And the narration sure does add a lot- it's not just the raping of a beautiful piece of classical music anymore. It's not subtle, "clever" wordplay left to be deduced by the viewer. This year, GMC has decided "to hell with the mildly grotesque, socially inconsiderate allusion." This year, GMC cuts right to the chase.

Happy Holidays. Here's a tune you've probably loved since childhood. You certainly recognize it. Well, we've got something else for you, too- a big fucking truck crashing it's way through snow drifts to give you something to look at while you are enjoying the beautiful music. But you know what? Screw the music, because you still might not get the message. This Mother is a NUTCRACKER!! Get it? This is one freaking awesome man-machine (not a Man Ship, however- that's another commercial.) This thing kicks ass! And we would say so, in exactly those words, if we thought that current standards permitted it. Maybe next year.

In the meantime, check out the NUT CRACKING capabilities of this powerful sonofabitch!!! No one's getting in your way if you are knocking over snowmen behind the wheel of THIS baby! So what are you waiting for, Mozart??

Again- maybe next year. Because nothing is sacred. Absolutely nothing.


  1. I'm telling myself that right when they cut from the truck, splashing along what appears to be an iced-over lake, the reason they cut so quickly is because the truck went through the ice.

    I imagine the "professional driver on a closed course" scrambling for his life to get out before it completely submerges. The camera crew watching on in shock. The director, mouth agape, is struck silent.

    Someone finally shouts, "We better get off this ice!" and they all scurry for the shore as the big-ass, Nut-crackin' truck sinks to the bottom.


  2. As long as everyone involved in this travesty dies, horribly, I'm there.