Friday, November 2, 2012

SelectQuote presents: The most boring family in America!

I've been looking for this commercial for a long time.  A few months ago I actually gave up trying to find it, and instead referred to it in a post featuring another SelectQuote Commercial.

But now, at last, here it is:  Jim and Diedre and their Three Great Kids, sitting on the grass, doing....something.

What ARE Jim and Diedre and their Three Great Kids doing?  Well, Jim is smiling appreciatively as one of his Great Kids tosses a plastic hoop on to a plastic peg, which MAY be as much as 18 inches away.  This is so much fun that when Jim removes the plastic hoops and gives them back to the kid, the kid doesn't grimace and turn away, but goes right back to tossing the hoops.

Wait, it gets better.  Jim's daughter, who actually appears to be OLDER than the little boy who seems to be enjoying this mind-numbingly dumb, incredibly age-inappropriate, non-stimulative dreck of an activity, actually wants to join in on the "fun."  She quickly gets her share of plastic hoops and proceeds to lean forward slightly so she can drop them on the plastic peg.

Good lord, Jim.  Maybe you and Diedre should reconsider feeding your Three Great Kids exclusively on paint chips.

And what is Diedre doing with the third of the Three Great Kids (the only kid who looks young enough to actually get something out of the "put the plastic rings on the plastic hoops game?)  She's tossing a ball with him/her (how many times do you expect me to watch this?)  That ball is being tossed roughly the same distance as the plastic hoops.  Somehow, this is delightful fun to Diedre and her kid.  Good lord, what is going on with these people?

Anyone else think this looks a lot more like "keep smiling for a few more seconds, the photographer from White Christian Family Today Magazine will be done in a moment and then you can do whatever you want" than an actual family having an actual picnic?  Do the people at SelectQuote really know families that it any way resemble these chuckleheads?

Anyway,  Jim decided one day that all this was worth insuring.  Diedre the fertile idiot and their three pathetically uninteresting children.  Yes, we must make sure that if something happens to Jim, All This gets preserved.

After all, someone has to catch that ball, and someone has to take the plastic hoops off the ring so the game can start all.....over.....again.  Zzzzzzzz.


  1. I'd almost prefer it if they did have the photographer barking orders at them while Daddy Whitebread is shilling for the nice insurance company. At least that way, they could look as if they had a life aside from posing for holiday snaps.

    1. I wish I had thought of the term "Daddy Whitebread." I may have to steal it from you and at it to Choads, Jackanapes, Knuckle-draggers, Glue-sniffers, Doofus Dad and MommyWife in my lexicon of Hate.

  2. What the commercial is missing is a boogeyman, chupacapra, or other monster, coming out of the bushes and dragging one of the children back into it, during which none of the other people will react or change what they are doing at all.

    1. They might notice, eventually, that the plastic hoops are not on the plastic peg, and wonder why this isn't so. Maybe not, though- Jim and Diedre look like regular consumption of painkillers and alcohol have not only managed to dull the agonizing monotony that is their lives, but also make them blissfully happy with Whatever Is Right In Front Of Them At This Moment. Because This Is The Way It's Supposed To Be. Pass.