Saturday, November 3, 2012
Oh and by the way, if you live in an Apartment, you must want the terrorists to win
Along with the treacly National Association of Realtors commercials which show happy, well-adjusted kids who will succeed in life because Mommy and Daddy did their duty and signed up for 30 years of payments to the local Megabank downtown (which sold the mortgage before their signatures were dry, but never mind,) here's another Real Americans Own Suburban Palaces ad. Yay.
The message is blindingly obvious: If you care about your country, if you care about putting people back to work, and if you care about maintaining the veneer of Middle-Class happiness symbolized by leaf-littered lawns, giggling children, Big Wheels, Speed Bumps and Lawn Sales, you'll get your ass down to the credit union and sign half of your next 3000 paychecks away in exchange for four walls, a garage and lifetime membership to the Home Depot Herbicide of the Month Club.
After all, Home Ownership is what being an American is all about. That, and feeling permanently locked into your cubicle because hey, those mortgage payments are just going to keep coming for what feels like forever. And nobody promised you (in writing) that the biggest purchase of your life was going to increase in value, or even stay stable. So when you don't get a raise for the third year in a row- just zip it, House Monkey.
Hey, at least the kids are happy, even though they don't know why. And speaking of whom, better get yourself some term life insurance. Because it never, ever ends, this Being a Good American thing. I'll have to try it myself someday.