Saturday, May 4, 2013
A few polite questions for the DVR Genie
1. Why would anyone want or need to "record up to five programs at the same time?" I could be charitable and assume that there are some people out there who only enjoy watching five specific television shows, and because the universe is aligned against them, they are all scheduled to run at exactly the same time. I could be, but I'm not going to be. It's far more likely that if you enjoy watching five shows that are being broadcast at the same time, you are pretty much infatuated with everything that shows up on your idiot box, and feel an urgent need to watch all of it. Or, at least, to record all of it. Which leads me to....
2. Do the people who buy this service and who actually record several programs being broadcast at the same time ever actually WATCH any of these shows? Because these commercials strongly suggest that it's All About the Recording. Is it just a power thing? You need this Genie doohicky because in order to justify your cable bill, you must have the power to record everything you can't watch while it's being broadcast? I strongly suspect that this is the case, because....
3. A lot of these commercials tackle the "problem" of "Full DVRs." This REALLY boggles. So some of you out there are recording and recording and recording (sadly, this is often referred to as "building libraries," because storing thousands of hours of mind-numbingly stupid television is EXACTLY the same as collecting, reading, and lovingly storing books) so much junk that you run out of DVR memory? Do you just insist on keeping everything you record, even after you've watched it (assuming you ever get around to watching it, See #2?)
4. Are there people out there who really find the inability to record endless television as horribly annoying as these vile bags of couch pus? If so, is it ok if I dismiss such TV-addled techno-junkies as the lifeless, soulless freaks they are?
5. As for the "this Genie is even greater than...." isn't it especially sad that the ridiculous image this guy conjures up is certainly a combination of Amazingly Cool Stuff He Saw Other People Do On Television, but will never, EVER have the chance to even attempt to simulate in real life, because that would involve GOING OUTSIDE?
Finally- if this DVR Genie thing is half as Cool and Awesome and Essential as it is sold on television, why are there still so damned many people in front of me at the cash register and on the thruway? Shouldn't they all be home filling their bottomless DVRs with mindless junk that they won't be watching later?