Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Gillette's ProGuide yourself into Someone Better ad
As near as I can figure it, this is what you are supposed to do the next time you go to a swank party populated primarily by Supermodels. I'm personally very thankful for this ad, because for me, it basically describes pretty much every Saturday night....
When you meet a very hot girl, get to know her name and then find a way to steer the conversation toward her opinion of guys and body hair. Does she like guys? Ok, she does- now you can move on to guys and body hair. Does she like body hair? Yes? Everywhere? Oh, not there? Try to take mental notes rather than actual ones. It's kind of awkward to carry around a pad and pen during one of these parties.
Once you've decided which girl you want to take home with you, slip into the host's bathroom, whip out your Gillette razor, and give yourself an impromptu shave. Now that you match the specific hair requirements of your chosen partner, she has no excuse to reject you. Of course, you've got to find a way to get that conversation started again, and to steer it back toward the issue of body hair. If you are a skilled wordsmith like me, you won't find this a problem.
Try not to let the girl know that you performed an act of self-mutilation less than an hour ago in response to her casual "I don't like chest hair more than half an inch above the nipples" remark. She might look at you oddly, and she might even respond with something less than enthusiasm when she realizes that her statement concerning body hair was translated by you into "I'll sleep with any guy who conforms to it." Make it look like a coincidence that at least one aspect of your appearance actually fits her preference. You can deal with the "I like guys who are six feet tall" and "I like black men" issues later.
While you are doing all this, try to avoid bumping into the host- he might start asking you awkward questions, like "who invited you" and "why were you in my bathroom for forty minutes?"